Somewhere Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Pulled.

2009-01-24T12:49:00.002-06:00

So here's a rant. Not a big rant... just a little rant. A little bitty one. K. Here I go.

I love friends. I love family. I love relationships. I love the fact that God gave us the ability to find comfort and solace in the presence of others and that we, as human beings, are capable of a a much deeper connection to someone else than that of our furry little friends. I love the fact that there are people in this world that, with one word, can make my day go from lonely and gray to bright and sunny. I love all of these things.

However, there are lots of things I don't love, and one of these things is jealousy. Jealousy is the corruption of a beautiful connection that one has with someone else. In 1st(?) Corinthians... maybe 2nd... I don't remember right now and am not going to look it up, it says "[love] is never jealous" and yet here I am... being torn in about 5 different pieces. I think a lot of it is my fault. I have a really hard time balancing my time between those who are important to me, but the fact remains that those people are still very important to me despite my lack of responsibility and it hurts when it all becomes a battle of who gets what time and who doesn't.

So part of the responsibility is on me, learning to make each person who is important to me feel like they are indeed important. I need to learn how to love each person effectively enough so that they may feel that love. That is totally on my shoulders alone. Yet it's not all about me. So here is what I ask: I'm not sure what has to happen yet, but something needs to change because I can feel myself pulling further and further away from the situation. Love one another. I'm going to need patience as I figure out how best to handle the issues that have recently presented themselves but I ask that everyone have patience with each other as well. This is not something that only my friends and myself struggle with but a common problem among friends. Love one another and realize that as relationships shift and change, that in no way diminishes the importance of each relationship individually.

K. Good. Kind of cryptic, kind of not... but I feel better. Prayers and love.

God bless
Jen

It's Been Awhile... Let's Chat

2008-11-19T11:00:00.003-06:00

Hello everyone

So here's the deal... everything is moving way too fast. At any point I'm sure time is going to notice that it's going way too fast for any normal person to keep up with it, but until then I'll just chase after it. Literally, I feel like I hiccuped and everything turned on its head. Now I'm sitting on the ceiling wondering how this all happened. It's always nice to look at things from a different perspective but this is kind of ridiculous.

I'll try and fit everything in without boring you to pieces but it'll be tough:

Signed up for last semester of undergraduate school. All of which are English classes... next semester is going to kill me. By the end though I will be a philosophy and catholic studies double minor and an English major. I should have been able to finish my Spanish minor as well but sometimes laziness gets the best of you :) After that... I'm done with college! Talk about the fastest four years of my life and things don't look they are slowing up after I'm done either. Help.

January is coming up soon and it's going to be ridiculous. Amy is leaving for Hawaii in January, she'll be gone for a month and so I'm just going to be hanging out at the apartment by myself... well probably not by myself but I'm going to miss my roommate. Of course I went to Italy for 4 months and so nobody is sympathetic. Before that I was gone all summer doing youthworks which makes people even less sympathetic. That's legit I think. Adam is also leaving in January. The 12th is going to sneak up on all of us and suddenly it'll be +poof+ he'll be gone. Not just gone, but gone on a boat for 2 years. I've never experienced anyone just leaving like that so it's going to be hard, it's already started to become a difficult fact to face. I'm fully supportive though... I just keep telling myself that. Fully supportive.

Other than that there have been a lot of new developments in my personal life that I'm going to keep very close to the belt for awhile. Things are just so good right now that I don't want to ruin things by making it all public for people to take and run away with. Everything's really simple and uncomplicated and it's been a long time since this type of simplicity has been the ruling order of the day. All the chaos and mayhem from the summer is still very present in the veins of everyone but I've really been blessed to have a truly wonderful close group of people who I care about and who genuinely care about my well-being.

So there it is. All neatly wrapped in a little package for you to enjoy at work, at home or perhaps I've aided in procrastinating homework for yet another 20 minutes. Either way, I hope all of you have a fantastic Thanksgiving holiday, I probably won't write again until after that. Cheers kids!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T14:56:00.003-05:00

Have a fantastic evening friends!!

"So Kiss Me, Like You Mean It"

2008-10-15T15:49:00.002-05:00

I have an unhealthy fascination with Miss Demi Lovato at the moment and that song is permanently lodged into my mind. Yea for modern tween singers! It's just a really upbeat song and it's really easy to dance to (which from pictures on Facebook you can probably figure out Amy and I love to dance) and it's extremely loud. It's got potential.

My week has been insane and half so I'm not really sure to start. Saturday was work, work, work all day and then I head up to St. Johns for the Luna Negra dance performance on campus there. It was phenomenal. I'm writing a paper on it for Issues in English Studies so maybe I'll post that and you can get an idea of what the performance was about. It was done in three segments and each segment felt so different from the next and yet they were all very interesting aesthetically and choreographically. Loved it. It made me want to dance again, which Amy and I might actually start taking a beginners dance class which could be so entertaining. I think it would be a hoot and a half.

After the performance I was able to visit a bunch of people on campus. I think I even bought some jewelry that a friend of mine apparently makes. They were really beautiful pieces and I'm always about supporting local business ;) . So that was really entertaining. I think I finally went to bed around 3...ish, maybe 4...ish. I didn't actually fall asleep when I finally crawled into bed so I'm not sure what time it was when my eyes finally decided to give way to their tiredness. Either way, Saturday was fantastic.

Sunday I woke up and Jake took me for a little teeny tour around St. Bens. It's what he does. I was fortunate enough to have breakfast in their little caf area and it made me so thankful that I no longer have a meal plan at St. Thomas. Not that the food was bad.... but the food was kind of bad. We hung out for a little bit before he left to go train for his job and I drove home to get my Sunday priorities done.

When I got home, Nick and I went out for lunch, to Target and then we went puppy shopping. Little smoochies :) . I love dogs. They're just so much fun. Snickers is at my apartment right now and I'm trying to decide if it's a good idea to invest in a dog of my own. We'll see, I'm not sure if I have enough time to devote to an animal right now and no matter where you buy a dog, they're always expensive. So right now I'm settling for Snickers. She's fantastic though and Sunday we're going to PetSmart for grooming. She smells bad, her ears are gross, her nails need to be clipped and I need to buy a brush for her so she stops shedding all over the place. I figure while that happening I'll wash her bed so that'll be clean too. Today we went on a walk and I'm actually really surprised at how having a dog makes you immediately the star of the neighborhood.

Anyway, back to Sunday. After Nick and my little endeavour. Eric, Joe and Zach all came over to hang out for awhile. The shelf almost got put up... but no dice on that one. Eventually they all left and Amy and I were left to finish homework (which is what she did) or go to sleep (which was mode of action).

Monday started and life continues as normal. Cheers!

A Sadness of Souls

2008-09-19T10:34:00.006-05:00

I feel like the theme since I've been home is... everyone is angry. It literally started as soon as I stepped off the plane, the claws all came out. And maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was misunderstanding, but all in all it really doesn't matter because so many people's feelings got hurt, and now some friendships will never be the same... but not in a good Babysitters Club kind of way. What I can't figure out is, and this seems to be a theme now as my blogs continue, how can "friends" be so vicious to on another? Quarrels are one thing, fights are another, but all out selfish cruelty is something more and more prominent as the calendar days keeping tearing away... and what's worse is that it's between so-called close friends.

Now I am speaking from a female mind, in reference to mostly female relationships. Guys seem to be able to punch and forgive. It's a very easy, controlled way of dealing with issues and it works for them. Women, well everyone knows we don't use physical blows to solve things. But what I want to know is why women, in general, feel the need to cut someone else down in order to justify anger towards someone. Don't get me wrong, I do it too, but that doesn't make it any better of an idea and it still hurts. What's worse though is that I have seen women do this to each other without even being outwardly angry at the other person. They do it because... well because they can.

All of you have heard it. It's as simple as calling each other sluts, whore and the like (even if it's in jest) or it's as complicated as taking out any anger and frustration you're experiencing on the closest girlfriend of yours you can find. You're "sick"... it's not her fault. You failed a test, not her fault. You got fired, not her fault. Friendship is a delicate and blessed relationship but it easily torn if we don't treat with the utmost care and it should always be treated that way. A friendship that has been built on years and years of trust and memories can be ripped to shreds in the course of 5 minutes. Taking advantage of the people we love is hurtful and quickly diminishes their desire to be there for you because they always feel used and like they're nothing other than a tank of gas and a spare set of your house keys.

So what is it in women that drives them to be so cruel? What about our make-up and design creates this similar quality of cattiness and hypocrisy? How is it that one friend is never late, while the other is always late, and the moment the first friend is late it's over like the crack of a shotgun? How is it that the one friend never cancels, the other always does, but the moment the first friend does, all hell breaks loose and there's no talking to the second? There's the give and take rule... but nobody ever seems to want to give. Ever.

I think that most of it has to do with a woman's natural softness of heart. It's been written that women are, by nature, the nurturer of the two genders. Our make-up is simply more socially tied than that of our male counter-parts. Because of this, I think many women invest their heart, soul and mind in friendships and relationships and they become such enormous parts of them that they can't function without constant human contact. They are so encompassed in their relationships that they're not comfortable unless they know what's going on with everyone... always. Then there are those that never felt like they were worthy in the first place and so every plan broken, every date canceled is a personal strike against them. Every unanswered phone call is a new friend they worry about losing, and due to this mindset, they are constantly on edge and easily driven to anger and self pity. Everything is about them. Everything is everyone else's fault, and yet they're broken inside. I think it's heartbreaking to observe these trends in so many women in today's culture.

I worry that nowadays there is no room for women to be fragile. They must be strong, motivated, ambitious in order to be the woman of today. But women should also possess what is most natural to them, softness. In a time when this isn't "social acceptable" many women our slowly floundering with no ability to go up for air.

If I Had A Super Power... I Would Call It "Lasseter"

2008-09-12T16:03:00.005-05:00

Title quote was said by Erin Capello... many many blogs back. "Lasseter" of course is in reference to my high school teacher of philosophy, english... and history? Truthfully, he taught many other things as well but none that are considered a field of study in academia today. You can't really teach a class called "moral truth, responsibility, and all things you will ever need to know in your life to make it through the tough stuff". Yea they don't teach that one where I came from.

Anyway, he wrote the following passage in response to one of my rants and I just wanted to bring it from the depths, back out onto the surface again. Read it, contemplate it, object if you like but at least let it sink in and took root a bit. Cheers!

"The kinds of friendship may perhaps be cleared up if we first come to know the object of love. For not everything seems to be loved but only the lovable, and this is good, pleasant, or useful; but it would seem to be that by which some good or pleasure is produced that is useful, so that it is the good and the useful that are lovable as ends. Do men love, then, the good, or what is good for them? These sometimes clash. So too with regard to the pleasant. Now it is thought that each loves what is good for himself, and that the good is without qualification lovable, and what is good for each man is lovable for him; but each man loves not what is good for him but what seems good. This however will make no difference; we shall just have to say that this is 'that which seems lovable'. Now there are three grounds on which people love; of the love of lifeless objects we do not use the word 'friendship'; for it is not mutual love, nor is there a wishing of good to the other (for it would surely be ridiculous to wish wine well; if one wishes anything for it, it is that it may keep, so that one may have it for oneself); but to a friend we say we ought to wish what is good for his sake. But to those who thus wish good we ascribe only goodwill, if the wish is not reciprocated; goodwill when it is reciprocal being friendship. Or must we add 'when it is recognized'? For many people have goodwill to those whom they have not seen but judge to be good or useful; and one of these might return this feeling. These people seem to bear goodwill to each other; but how could one call them friends when they do not know their mutual feelings? To be friends, then, they must be mutually recognized as bearing goodwill and wishing well to each other for one of the aforesaid reasons. Aristotle: Nichomachean Ethics; Book 8, Chapter 2"

- William Lasseter, May 4, 2007

I just thought it was some food for thought to munch on.

Moving Along

2008-09-08T16:58:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile, I realize... so I'm fixing that and writing a new post. It's just been absolutely insane since lately, hence my inability to catch up with my writing.

Amy and I moved into the apartment last week. It's so fantastic, and it's slowly starting to come together to actually look like a home. We finally figured out how to fit our huge sectional in the less-than convenient living room space (what it lacks in convenience it makes up for in class and character) and we are starting to fill up our kitchen shelves with food and dishware! It really is exciting watching it turn from an empty space into a real home. We do need some rugs... ones of quality apparently... so that's something we're missing. Not for long though! Luckily for us, after the college rush EVERYTHING goes on sale so we'll be able to find some awesome rugs from pretty decent prices. It's so fun watching it all come together... I can't wait for the day when our list of things we need is no longer necessary.

But that day probably isn't our near future ;)

Classes have started again and I'm at St. Thomas for my final year! Yes, I've crossed the border from Junior to Senior and the road of adulthood is just a hop, skip and jump away. Oh boy. It's terrifying knowing that I will soon be shoved out the door of my undergraduate studies into the big bad world or "real jobs". So far, my classes seem like they are going to be fun. The ones that seem sketchy have friends of mine in them that I thoroughly enjoy so it makes up for the lack of content *cough* Statistics *cough*. My schedule is also really great because I have classes only on Tuesdays and Thursdays so that I am able to work Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Money! I feel like money goes no where nowadays. It all goes to gas, food, and presents... which actually constitutes a lot but I'm such an addicted shop-a-holic that it feels like nothing. Oh well, I'm supposed to be poor during college.

Another aspect of my life which has been slowly evolving is my relaciones with God. It's been difficult with the move, the new jobs and class to keep up any semblance of a relationship with Him, but I feel like it's slowly evolving as it should. I would like it to move along a little faster and ideally I would like it to just be second nature but at this point it's a maticulously thought-out process that has to occupy specific parts of my day otherwise I forget. So whereas it's a great time for me to recenter myself, the fact that it's something I'm "forcing" myself to do makes me a little sad. Half the time I have to think about not hurrying through the passages and browsing through the words. Blasted busy lives. I'm so easilty sucked into the fast pace of living life... I should fix that...

Well now that I have officially talked you all to sleep. I am checking out. I have a job that is calling my name to actually be productive unfortunately. Cheers kids!

God bless
Jen

An Apartment for Us!

2008-08-21T17:23:00.001-05:00

So it has finally happened... that's a lie. It happened awhile ago... but regardless, Amy and I have our apartment. And what's even more exciting is we're moving in on Monday! So pumped. K bye.

God bless
Jen

... Shake It!

2008-07-10T22:03:00.002-05:00

Metro Station... check it out.

What's been going on you ask? So many things. Being back home has been one of the easiest and hardest transitions of my life. Anyone who has taken a trip, found a home away from home there and then had to return back to the place they started knows this feeling. It's a feeling of loss, belonging, friendship, abandonment... and a whole slew of other feelings that still possess me even as I enter into my second month home.

Apartment shopping has been a nightmare and a half. Granted, I went into it knowing that it was going to be difficult but jeez. This one's too far away, this one's too small, this one's too expensive and the list goes on and on. I guess the only thing to do is hope the reason some of them haven't worked out is because that's not where I was meant to be. Once Amy and I finally find an apartment it will be great and tough all at the same time... but now it's just time consuming and my spirit is slowing slipping through the cracks of my quaking sanity.

It's been really great to be able to come home and finally see all my friends. It felt like a new introduction every time because even though we had kept touch while I was over seas- all of them had become new and different people. So that's been something that has been really exciting to discover. Many things stayed the same... but a whole handful changed and it has been a task to readjust. This doesn't just stop with friends either, family too. Plus, think of it this way... in Rome I walked everywhere. I could step out my door and everything was about 30 minutes from me. It was perfect... this was walking. Now... I have to step outside my door, hop into a car and something can be anywhere from 10 to 60 minutes away. Explain that one to me. We need to clump more in the states... this whole suburbia thing... not flying with me ;)

What else?

Well... here's what I have to say about the frustrating things going on. Everyone needs to take a step back and grow up. There, I said it. If someone isn't talking to you it doesn't mean they hate you. If someone isn't around like you want them to be it doesn't mean they are avoiding you. Calmate. Todos. Not only is it frustrating and tears people apart more than it heals but we really are getting too old for whining and selfish pouting. If there is an issue that needs to be addressed the best solution is confrontation. Friends hold friends accountable. Someone can't know what they've done wrong if you've never expressed your point of view. I'm just saying.

So there it is. Summer is well underway... I've got plenty to do, plenty of unwanted drama to shrug my shoulders at and plenty of sunshine to shine away the clouds... although a thunderstorm might be just what the doctor ordered ;)

Ciao!

God bless
Jen

Closing Time

2008-05-26T03:07:00.003-05:00

Bahh! Where do I begin and how do I finish? It's almost over, in two short weeks I will be aflight and on my way back home to the US of A once more. I can't believe that my Italian visit is closing down shop and yet I am looking at the end with great anticipation and excitement. Yet, even so I am going to miss the disorganization and unexpected surprises that Italy has to offer anyone who will allow her to work her magic. It's an intense emotion of uncertainty but to you friends, I would like to you to know that I miss you like crazy and can't wait to be back with you again! 10 days.

Venice

2008-05-19T16:22:00.005-05:00

So I know I said I would write about Paris in this entry... Paris was great!

Next, my mom came to Rome on Friday! How exciting! She stayed in my room on Friday night, and then we were off to Venice for the weekend. We actually stayed in a town right outside of Venice called Padua ( or in Italian... Padova).

Venice was beautiful. There are no cars, just boats and sidewalks. Every house on the Grand Canal has what looks like a garage for a boat. They just pull in and dock, it's so cool. Then there are all the little canals winding through the city which are just so fun. The city itself is slowly dying and crumbling but I'm sure at its peak it was absolutely gorgeous.

It rained the entire weekend but other than that the trip was really neat. Joe Prout came with my mom and myself and it was really fun to have him along with us. He was a really good sport about everything which is really important when traveling with the two elder lunneborg women. St. Mark's Square and Basilica were incredible. The mosaic detailing and immense space of the church was breathtaking. I loved it.

Plus, let's be honest, the city is built on a lagoon. What could be cooler? Not a whole lot. We were able to take the boat all the way from the train station to the opening of the Grand Canal by St. Mark's. Awesome! It was a really great trip. We got back here around 5:00pm today and I was able to take my mom to Santa Maria Trastevere (church in Rome) and to my favorite restaurant that I call "The Panty Place." Loved it. Now I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted. Ciao!

God bless
Jen

Last Name

2008-05-03T07:28:00.002-05:00

If you get a chance, this is a great song by Carrie Underwood. Made me laugh ;)

"Last Name"

Last night, I got served a little bit too much of that poison, baby
Last night, I did things I'm not proud of
And I got a little crazy
Last night, I met a guy on the dance floor and I let him call me baby

And I don't even know his last name
My momma would be so ashamed
It started off, "hey cutie where you from"
And then it turned into oh no, what have I done
And I don't even know his last name

We left, the club, 'bout around 3 o'clock in the morning
His Pinto, sitting there, in the parking lot, well it should have been a warning
I had no clue what I was getting into
So, I'll blame it on the Cuervo
Oh where did my manners go?

I don't even know his last name
Oh My momma would be so ashamed
It started off, "hey cutie where you from"
And then it turned into "oh no, what have I done"
And I don't even know his last name

Here we go
Today, I woke up, thinking about Elvis somewhere in Vegas
I'm not sure how I got here
Or how this ring on my left hand just appeared outta nowhere
I gotta go take the chips and the Pinto and hit the road
They say what happens here, stays here, all of this will disappear
There's just one little problem

I don't even know my last name
Oh My momma would be so ashamed
It started off, "hey cutie where you from"
And then it turned into "oh no, what have I done"
And I don't even know my last name

What have I done
What have I done
What have I done

Oh, what have I done
I don't even know my last name
Well it turned into, oh no what have I done
And I don't even know my last name

Yea, Yeah, Yeah
I don't even know my last name
It started off "hey cutie where you from"
And then it turned into, oh no what have I done
And I don't even know my last name
Oh, yeah

Greece Part II

2008-04-27T10:31:00.002-05:00

Greece was beautiful and more. Sorry it's taken me so long to update this bad boy. This is actually an e-mail I sent to someone... sort of revised so if some of it doesn't make sense, let me know and I'll try to fix it. There is so much to tell that I could never even try to fully express it , but here are a few of the adventures we through. "We" means Jen and myself, Susan Slattery and Becca Antonelli, Madde Goodson and Allison McDonald, Joe Prout and Michael Selenski. It was quite to crew, but so fun. We arrived in Athens and spent the entire day being complete tourists that first day, completely deliberately. We had to get up at 5:30am that morning to start traveling and I don't think we were in bed until about 1am. The day was insane. We visited the Acropolis, and the Agora where philosophy and democracy apparently had their beginnings. Plus, that is also were St. Paul was called to evangelize the faith to the people in Greece before he was killed. There was a sweet church built on the grounds of one of the conversions. Another great things about that first day is I discovered Greek food. The food in Greece was incredible, Gyros are my favorite food in the entire world. No immitation in America can beat the real thing. It was fabulous. They are super good and cheap which was such an awesome change from Rome, where everything cost upwards of 7 euros. Tasty.

Anyways, while we in Athens we were also able to witness the Greek independence day parade, which was awesome, the second day we were there. Michael and Joe were with us, and they were so pumped. There were tanks and jets on trailers and torpedoes attached to armored trucks moving through the streets. You could almost feel the ground shake underneath you. The troops were marching and playing music, it was really festive. I felt like a war had been won and they were showing off. Which I guess a war had been won but that was over a half century ago after they kicked the Turks out of their country. That was an awesome parade.

The following day we hopped a night ferry to get to our second hostile in Chania (pronounced Hania). The only problem was, due to "weather conditions" we weren't really sure if it was going to leave or not but we had to get to the port and wait around to find out. The port, by the way is in the most dangerous part of Greece according to "Lonely Planet." Oh yea, so there we were just hanging out in the most dangerous part of Greece waiting to see if our boat would or wouldn't leave. Luckily, it did leave and we hopped on board our ferry. The funny thing was, there was no room on the boat because it was an overflow trip because the boat before us had been canceled and so all those who didn't get on... were on ours. We actually ended up sleeping in a disco techa that evening with loud Greek techno bumping almost all night. It's funny to laugh about now but at the time it was actually quite frustrating. There were eight of us on the trip though so we were able to stay in a good mood because we were all going through the same thing.

We arrived in Chania at about 8 in the morning and it was just beautiful. Completely worth the aweful night experience we had gone through. We were there for five days... perhaps four I can't remember really... and it was beautiful. One of the days we actually rented a nine passenger white Fiat van (which we later named the SOE... the sex offender express... level three in case you were interested) which kind of looked like those child kidnapper vans from the movies. It was fabulous though because we were able to drive about two hours through the mountains and go to a pink and white sandy beach. If you were willing to wade through the cold water, it only went up to your knees, you could walk out to this beautiful island that I think used to be underwater because it was covered in seashells. The funny thing about all of this was it was only about 70 degrees. The wind was also blowing really hard so the only way to do what you do on beaches... lay out... was to find a cove where the wind was blocked and lay there... otherwise you were getting whipped in the face by the sand you were marveling at only minutes previous. On the way back we drove along the coast which was really amazing. I loved it all.

We were also able to go to a dance club one of the nights we were there, which was such a sketchy experience but so fun at the same time. They played all sorts of great songs and the eight of us definitely made the party. No one had been dancing until we just plowed into the little bar/club that some random Greek invited us to go to. Yes... some random Greek man coaxed us into this bar. It was great though and that evening we were able to walk along the pier back to our hostile and just enjoy the evening.

We went back to Athens (on a night ferry again sleeping in the disco techa... you would think we had learned) and spent the last two days there before heading back to Rome. We spent those days picking up the strings we had let fall and see some of the sites we hadn't been able to see previously. Heading back to Rome was difficult, it was nice to be in a recognizable place though.

It was nice to come back home but it made me really miss my real home because I felt like I should be heading back to the US on the flight back. To not go back was rough. We've only got about 39 days left in Rome and the time is flying by. Jen and I have been talking about how difficult it is not to live out each day in expectation that we're going home soon. I miss home. I'm glad I'm here and when I come home I'm probably just going to want to go back, but I really do miss home.

Next entry will be about my Paris trip. But for now I'm checking out. Ciao!

God bless
Jen

Not My Usual Happiness

2008-04-01T17:02:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone,

I'm really hurting right now so if you could keep me in your prayers I would really appreciate it.

Synopsis:

My spiritual life is really weird right now. I don't know if I'm heading somewhere good or bad, I just know I'm headed somewhere I haven't been before. It's an odd position to be in and it's definitely foreign territory for me so there's that.

I'm trying to let go of a friendship that I've had every since my dad passed away. We've been friends for so long, it's really been hard to try and convince myself that this is for the best and that I'm finally making the right decision on a problem that has been festering for way too long. I hope to one day be able to smile about it all, I'll drive by the high school and remember the stolen moments in the hallways, the laughter in the hammock under the sky in 0 degree weather just so I can see the stars once more and the Arby's drive-thru with the delicious cookies... but at this point all I can do is bow my head and ask for the pain to pass sooner rather than later.

I'm on the last two months of my trip and as much as I love it here, I really want to be in the arms of my family and friends at home. I miss Amy and Adam so much it gives me stomach-aches sometimes. Everyone else too, I just can't wait to be home with all of you again. I want to hear your laughter, see your faces and be able to hold your hands in mine and remember you are really there.

Pray for me. I'm in constant battle fields with my own conscience and desire and I really need your fellowship and incredible strength. Thank you!

Greece!

2008-03-28T04:43:00.001-05:00

Hey all!

I'm just chilling it Greece at the present. I'll update when I get back but they charge me by the hour for internet so I can't do it here. I miss all of you and I'll be home in only 2 more months! Time is flying. I can't even handle it. Ciao!

Sienna

2008-03-03T15:53:00.003-06:00

So now you all get to experience my truly Catholic heritage and excitement because that is what the trip to Sienna this past weekend was really about; Catholicism at its best. Love it!

So this past weekend the Bernardians loaded up onto our little tour bus and took a drive. It was a three hour drive to the beautiful city of Sienna, a town built on a never ending hill. It was so beautiful. I loved it. We were there to do a couple of things. Three of which I will mention. One was see the church and house of St. Catherine of Sienna, the second was to see the church of Saint... Dominic? to see the incorruptible hosts, and the third was to go to Tuscany and do vespers with some monks living there. Exciting huh? For those of you who said no, I'll smack you later because it was great!

The first place we went was the Chapel of St. Catherine of Sienna. St. Catherine is actually an incorruptible saint, meaning over the hundreds of years since her death, her body still remains in the same condition as when she first died. She was a beautiful saint who experienced and witnessed many miracles throughout the course of her life. She is even said to at one time, have exchanged hearts with that of Jesus Christ. It was an absolutely breathtaking church with places marked on the tiled floors of where different miracles were said to have taken place. It was really moving to be in that place of such holiness and presence.

We were also able to go to her house later on in the afternoon where she lived. It's always amazing to walk the halls of a saint... stand in the places they must have stood, see the things they saw everyday... it's just an amazing experience.

We also saw the incorrupt consecrated hosts in the Basilica of Saint... dang it! I can't remember if it was Dominic or Francis... either way, the hosts were something really incredible to behold. These hosts are actually hundreds of years old and after years of scientific testing, it's been concluded that they are in the exact same condition as they must have been when first consecrated. There's 237 of them, incorrupt and perfect. JPII traveled to this place and said, "Here is the Presence." The church where they were held, is an absolutely beautiful church. The decorative aspect to it was breathtaking. The odd thing was, the actual hosts were in a very small, side chapel. I can't even describe the feeling that flooded my entire body when I saw the Eucharist revealed. It was such an over whelming feeling. I know that often times I'm made fun of for my faith, or I'm simply "that Catholic" but I'm going to tell you all this right now, my faith is my life, my love and my heart. I live and breathe Catholicism to the best of my ability and that moment of seeing the very presence of God there in that church... I can't even explain the incredible amount of power and majesty I felt surrounding that room. Oh it was absolutely fantastic. The seminarians sang a beautiful song and the sound jumped on the walls of the chapel room and skipped across the people praying, surrounding us and lifting us to a place that left me gasping for air. The whole experience almost brought me to tears. The story behind these Eucharist but for the sake of time I'm not going to write about it, I will let you know if you really want me to. Just e-mail me and I will give you the 411 on these fantastic miracles.

After that we hopped on the bus and headed to Tuscany. There we sung vespers with the monks living in the monestary there. It was a wonderful end of the day. Michael and I also had a sword fight with sticks and I learned to play hackie sac! I'm not sure how to spell that but I learned! I'm tired now. I'm going to bed. Ciao!

God bless

Jen

Presidential Race

2008-02-24T15:27:00.001-06:00

Ralph Nader has recently announced that he intends to run for president under a third party banner. And my only response as of right now is... really?

Florence and things...

2008-02-20T01:54:00.004-06:00

Last weekend, a crew and myself decided to head off to Florence. Let me just tell you something, if any of you are planning on going to Florence... bring money with you. Florence probably rivals New York City and Rome put together as far as "expensive" goes. You have to pay for everything, you want to walk into a church? 5 euros. You want to go into the museum? 15 euros. You want to sit down in the restaraunt? 4 euros to sit. If you want food it'll be more. It's so ridiculous... but kind of worth it in the end. Florence is the city of art collections. It's got some of the most famous paintings and sculptures with in is beautiful museums.

Our train was at 6:07 am so we decided to get there at 5:45am. Unfortunately for Jen and myself, we accidently spent the night at a friends house. When we woke up at 4:30am we realized that we had no time to go back to Bernardi and pack, pick up our money, and still make it to the train station on time. So, we went without any change of clothes or any money, assuming that people would cover us once we got there... bold assumption. We were late for the first train (at 6:07am) but were able to hop the 7:00am train instead. We got to Florence around 11:00am. We bought tickets for the museum that holds the Birth of Venus among other beautiful paintings and icons from various centuries, the Ufizzi. We scheduled the tour for the following afternoon. Then we headed to the Academia to see one of the most famous pieces of art ever created: Michelangelo's David.

I want to let you know, that no matter how much you've heard about the David and how much you've seen it in pictures, nothing prepares you for the actual David. He's enormous. Atleast 15 feet high. I'm not sure of how high exactly... and I'm too lazy to actually look it up but he's a giant. The detail that he contains is so breathtaking, and the odd proportions of his hands (they're much bigger than what they should be proportionally) is actually a really interesting story. Michelangelo carved it that way to illustrate that it was not the work of David alone that killed Goliath, but it was God's power. Thus huge hands. I could go on for paragraphs but for the sake of everyone I will continue.

That evening we went out to dinner and met a couple of new friends. The following morning we woke up and headed to mass at the Duomo (see picture). We got front row! We were almost on top of the altar we were so close. Plus we were able to look up and see the fresco inside the dome. The actual altar and dome are blocked off to general tourists and they're really strict about letting people in to mass. It's completely closed to the public during mass hours. We were approached by an Italian priest before mass started and he asked if myself, Michael, Jen and Susan would do the basket offering! So basically I took part in the mass at the Duomo. Beat that. It was so amazing.

After mass, and food we went to the Ufizzi. It was such an amazing experience, which is good because it was the most expensice museum. It had the Birth of Venus, Judith Slaying Holefernes and many of my personal favorites. We spent about 3 hours in the museum. Then went to dinner (amazing pizza and pasta with Truffle sauce!... which is not chocolate but a mushroom) and grabbed the 7:00pm train and arrived at home around midnight. I want everyone to know that I wore the same clothes the entire weekend! It was probably the most disgusting feeling, but eh, you have to do it atleast once. When in Rome... or Florence. We did end up getting a toothbrush so no worries ;) .

Now it's the first week of classes and my blisters have finally started to heal!!! Make's me so happy!

I hope all is well back at home. I heard you all had a nasty wind chill yesterday, and from the way it sounds, most of you are sick? I'm so sorry and I'm praying for everyone! I miss you all so much. For those who haven't e-mailed me yet, my e-mail is jmlunneborg@stthomas.edu and I would love to hear updates from all of you. I've normally got some time at night to respond. For those of you that have. Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing from you and being able to keep up with what's going on in your lives. I love you all!

God bless

Jen

PS if any of you have skype, let me know because I have it and I'm able to talk for free! If you don't have it and feel like taking up memory space, it's a really quick download and super convenient. Cheers!

Hello Everyone!

2008-02-15T08:55:00.007-06:00

All right kids. I'm about to tell a really long story. As long as you are prepared for it's length, you are more than welcome to read on. If you, however, fell that time is not something you have to spare, then I firmly suggest you continue on with your other business because this is going to take a bit.

So, Rome. How do I even begin to describe Rome? I can't, really. All in all it's always impossible to try and explain what it is that Rome is because it's a different thing for everyone that travels there. Even in this brief amount of time, I've already begun to realize that Rome is what you make it. As of right now, it's still very much a foreign country and I'm just a visitor on an extended trip. I hope, eventually, to make it my temporary home. The feeling of home is still absent.

I want you all to know that I miss you! I really wish that I could package you all up and take you where ever I go, however pictures will have to do right now I guess. In only 3 and half more months we'll all be reunited again! But not yet ;)

My school is also very beautiful. It used to be a monastary, once upon a time and has beautiful gardens amazing architectual goodies dotted through out the building. This picture is a picture of one of the side altars at the church in my school (and the picture below is the fountain centered in the great courtyard) and it's a picture of Jesus showing Mary his wounds when he appears to her after rising from his grave. The sculptures are amazing and the altar is just... well, you can see it!

I arrived in Rome last Thursday and was subjected to about 8 or 9 hours of orientation. Yea, in the city of immense cultural history, I was stuck inside filling out paper work and learning about how to use a phone with a calling card. Valuable information, I'm very aware of, but who wants valuable information when you could be out exploring??? You tell me who and I will give you $10. I would love to be able to tell you 10 euro but the ability to type a euro sign using the keyboard escapes my capabilities. Oh well, $10 to the person who figures it out, and no lying... God knows. Exploring has it's down sides though, my feet are definitely angry with me. I've got blisters the size of my face on all my toes and all over my foot. I had to go buy new shoes because I can't wear any of mine due to blister placement. Here's a picture of me struggling with bandaids. Aren't I precious?

I've been asked by people, what is your favorite/coolest thing in Rome. Listen, for the record... it is impossible to say. St. Peter in Chains was really awesome. Every day (except Sundays) there is what is called a station Mass. Station masses are masses held in English in the churches where St. Gregory traveled to when he was in Rome. There are over 900 churchs in Rome and so you can imagine the ample opportunities S.G. had to travel to different ones. Monday's was San Pietro en Vincoli (St. Peter in Chains). So, in order to attend this mass, Jen (my roommate and I) got up at 5:30am, were out the door at 6:00am and were able to make it to the 7:00am mass. Rome in the early morning is an amazing experience by the way... draining... but amazing. St. Peter in Chains is the housing place of the two fused chains of St. Peter and the Moses by Michelangelo. St. Peter, before he died was jailed twice, once in Rome and once in Jerusalem. When the two were brought together the miraculously fused, and this is what is held there today. There is also a beautiful fresco on the ceiling by Giovanni Bettista Parodi and if you're neck starts to hurt, you can look at Michelangelo's Moses. Michelangelo was so impressed with it's realistic appearance that it is said he go very upset and threw his hammer at the statue, yelling, "why don't you speak?" It's a beautiful sculpture and if you look closely enough, you can see the dent.

The Pantheon is also something to behold. The funny thing about though is that every stupid American Tourist comes here to see it, and calls it the Parthenon. Lame. The Pantheon was originally a Greek temple to all the gods. Pantheon, from the Greek origion, actually means "temple of all the gods" thus its purpose. In 609 theByzantine emperor, Phocas, gave the building to Pope Boniface IV (I believe) who converted it into a Christian church and consecrated it. It is now a beautiful place of worship... plus an incredible tourist attraction. On Pentecost, apparently they throw red rose petals down from the hole in the ceiling. A couple of us are planning on going there to see it, and to celebrate mass in this incredible place. The walls are really thick in order to be able to support the dome up top and inside is just breathtaking. That was really cool to see.

Then there is the Fontana di Trevi aka The Trevi Fountain. It's so beautiful!!! We actually kind of stumbled upon it by mistake. The other evening Jen and I were really tired, and decided that we wanted to stay in for the evening. However, you can't really just "stay in" because food is not provided for us every evening. So, we got changed to go get food (people eat at like 9:00pm here!) and suddenley got a second wind. We convinced Joe and Michael to come out with us and we just decided to hop on the Metro and go to the Trevi fountain. We also stopped for dinner and gelato (amazing) while we were down there. The Trevi Fountain is enormous! I have no idea how these things were made but it is absolutely mind blowing. All you can really do is stand in awe and these immense masses of marble and stone that were carved into something incredible once upon a time. What's really amazing about this city, is that these sorts of things are just... "normal" for the poeple there. The city has been built on about four different distinct levels and each one has it's own vast information of times past... and you can see these different cultures and time periods as you walk along the streets. It's ridiculous!

So these are the things I have been doing. Walking, blistering and exploring. Of course there's the eat, sleep and powder my nose part too... but that's not very interesting. I'll write again soon! Love all of you!

God bless

Ciao

Jen

Roma

2008-02-08T13:19:00.000-06:00

Bonjourno!

I have arrived at the beautiful city I am to call my home for the next four months. The plane ride was long but I was able to entertain myself by watching a variety of movies and playing multi-player trivia games with various strangers on the plane. Most memorably, I played with Dan and Rich who made me cry because they were both really smart and I couldn't win! But I got over it and celebrated by eating the airplane food and realizing that airplane food shouldn't even be fed to the lowliest of animals. It was nasty.

We arrived in Rome after about 20 hours of travel and it was breathtaking from the air and even more amazing walking along its beautiful streets. My room is lovely, complete with wooden shudders and beautiful views... well okay, the view is of a tree but it is a lovely tree. I miss you all and will give a more substantial update when I've finally gotten sleep. Love!

God bless
Jen

Here We Go

2008-01-23T16:53:00.000-06:00

Don't worry, I'm still here. As much as I love informing the public of my whereabouts, apparently there aren't enough hours in the day for me to remember to do so. Brief recap.

First semester: Over.

Finals: Sucked.

Rome: 15 days away.
side bar - Me: Super excited.

2008: I spent the eve of the New Year and the first of the year somewhere between the toilet and my bed as everything I had ever eaten regurgitated back out my mouth in several attempts at a type of reincarnation. Unfortunately for food, it never looks quite as pretty as the first time. Tasty.

New Blog: Moderate Eye (available on "other such things")

Friends: Great.

Family: Neutral.

Thus ends the first update in a month. Cheers!

Tired of Studying

2007-12-19T09:23:00.000-06:00

I'm so tired of studying that my eyes are popping out and my brain has long since oozed out of my ears. There's nothing left, I've got nothing left to offer. School is almost over and I checked out a long time ago apparently.

Tonight I'm going out with Marlise before she leaves me for Germany and it'll probably be the best thing I've ever done for myself. I can't sit in a room, a library or anything other place of educational value and still remain completely competent. So we're going to fix the issue and go out to a pub. What better way to ease the stress than by celebrating the near completion of a semester by going to an Irish place of jubilation?

I hope all of your finals are going well, I'll write later when I've pushed my brain back in. Cheers!

God bless,
Jen

Panda Has a Cold

2007-12-07T06:58:00.000-06:00

Gazoontite

Double Entry! (Chicago Trip)

2007-11-29T14:02:00.001-06:00

** Update: Had to get rid of that music. It wasn't worth it ;)

Sorry about the less than awesome music, the guy on the megabus treated us to this song all night (8 hour bus ride) and so I figured it was appropriate. If you want to turn the music off just press the little sound icon on the video, it'll turn off.

So the other weekend, Jake and I went to Chicago for Marlise's birthday! It was such a blast and I was very glad that I got to be with her for her 21st. Traveling to Chicago was definitely an adventure in every sense of the word, and I feel like I've become a better person because of those adventures. Not really, but it really was an eye opening experience that tested both my patience and sanity, but at the same time was a phenomenal trip so I can't really complain. These are some of the pictures that I took on that trip. Enjoy them!

Ballade of Contradictions

2007-11-29T13:29:00.000-06:00

I'm dying of thirst beside the fountain,
Hot as fire, and with chattering teeth
In my own land, I'm in a far domain
Near the flame, I shiver beyond belief
Bare as a worm, dressed in a furry sheathe,
I smile in tears, wait without expectation
Taking my comfort in sad desperation
I rejoice, without pleasures, never a one
Strong I am, without power or persuasion,
Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

Nothing is sure for me but what's uncertain
Obscure, whatever is plainly clear to see
I've no doubt, except of everything certain
Science is what happens accidentally
I win it all, yet a loser I'm bound to be
Saying: "God give you good even!" at dawn,
I greatly fear I'm falling, when lying down
I've plenty, yet I've not one possession,
I wait to inherit, yet I'm no heir I own,
Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

I never take care, yet I've taken great pain
To acquire some goods, but have none by me
Who's nice to me is one I hate: it's plain,
And who speaks truth deals with me most falsely
He's my friend who can make me believe
A white swan is the blackest crow I've known
Who thinks he's power to help, does me harm
Lies, truth, to me are all one under the sun
I remember all, have the wisdom of a stone,
Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

Merciful Prince, may it please you that I've shown
There's much I know, yet without sense or reason
I'm partial, yet I hold with all men, in common.
What more can I do? Redeem what I've in pawn,
Welcomed gladly, and spurned by everyone.

Italia Orientation Round III

2007-11-10T11:21:00.001-06:00

Today we did the parent-student Abroad Program Orientation! It's so weird for me to think that in only a few short months... about 2 1/2 actually, I will be in Rome, Italy. I really can't wait to just go! I'm so excited for it! I'm going to miss everything here, but studying abroad is an opportunity that I will probably never have again and so in true Jen form, I'm taking advantage of it. A couple of my friends are already there and they've been having an amazing time and I can't wait to join them. The week I get there Italy is having this... I guess carnival celebration is what it's been explained as to me. Basically 3000 people get together (me being one of them), are split into 9 different teams and we all pelt oranges at each other! It's in memory of a rebellion against the monarchy years ago! How sweet is that?! What more could I want? Nothing.

Update completed.

Happy Cat

2007-11-07T07:52:00.001-06:00

BOO!

2007-10-30T23:56:00.001-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

Prayers

2007-10-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

This is a prayer request, a schoolmate of mine just found out her father died unexpectedly. He went for a walk and never came back. They found him dead after going out to look for him, they think it might be diabetes related but the cause won't actually be known until after the autopsy. I ask that you keep this family in your prayers during their time of grief.

An Encountering

2007-10-23T12:06:00.000-05:00

"My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy... Blessed is anyone who endures temptation. Such a one has stood the test and will receive the crown of life that the LORD has promised to those who love him."

- James 1:2,12

The dictionary definition of "encounter" is to meet with or contend against; to confront in battle or contention. I like this definition since I'm going to be writing about temptation. I like the idea of us encountering temptation as us confronting it, processing what it is and battling against it.

What is temptation? Is it good or bad? Where does it come from? And the wonderful... Do we have to? All of these are questions I ask myself when being shoved up against temptation and forced to pick a side. They are all pretty elementary questions in my mind, since I can answer them all pretty quickly. But can I really? I feel like it's a double edged sword that I'm only now beginning to understand.

To tempt: to entice to do wrong by promise of power and pleasure

Temptation is interesting because it causes self-examination in anyone who struggles with it, and it is a constant, universal struggle that we all encounter every day, even every minute of our lives. To steal the purse or not to steal the purse, to go to class or not go to class, to punch my little twerp of a brother or not to punch twerpy. Hamlet would be seriously disappointed by our lack of interesting predicaments. But there are bigger issues than just the small ones of everyday living, to pray or not to pray, to love or not to love, to fight or not to fight, "to be or not to be". Temptation becomes much bigger when it's a question of our immortal souls that are the things being stained by our good or bad decisions.

However, God makes a way out for us. We are never given something we cannot handle and an escape route is always offered so that we may bare, we only need to find it. What is the pleasure being offered? Is the penalty for that pleasure greater than the pleasure itself, and if so, is it really worth the brief moment of satisfaction you're going to receive from it. Probably not. As bad as the Enemy is, worse yet is the temptation with in all of us.

"It's funny how mortals always picture us

as putting things into their minds,

in reality our best work is done keeping things out."

-Screwtape

Don't think of temptation as an opportunity to fail because every temptation is an opportunity to do the good. When looked at through that lens, temptation is no longer a stumbling block, but a simple stepping stone. One jump at a time, it will be made perfectly obvious that doing wrong is not a part of our true human nature. God wants us to succeed. Temptation it not there for us to fall if we don't let it be. It is there to pick you up to a higher level of faith and compassion for the Father who created you.

Temptation can be a weapon of Satan or a tool of God. Satan is going to try and break you, but God will show you how much you can take. An interesting example of this situation is in Job. Satan did not seek out Job, God offered Job. God knew to choose Job because He knew how much he could take. What an amazing compliment. Sure, it would suck to lose all that you have and be left sick, alone, and without any comforts. How much of those pains would you remember when you found out that you had just completed an immense set of tests and came out victorious? How would you feel know that God chose you specifically because He knew you could handle it?

Temptation is the opportunity for someone to show off who they really are, a child of God. Every temptation is God choosing you because He knows you can handle it. You can do all things through Christ and He's constantly giving you opportunities to show off your true strength and ability.

"Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right."

- Proverbs 20:11

Surviving a Wilderness

2007-10-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

"'Behold, I go forward, but he is not there;
and backward, but I cannot perceive him;
on the left hand I seek him, but I cannot behold him;
I turn to right hand, but I cannot see him.
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.'"
- Job 23:8-10

Listen, there are times in my life when I feel so lost inside, that I can't move for fear of taking the wrong step. I've felt alone, scared and completely out of control of my own path. It's at these moments, when I feel like all is gone from me, that I turn my eyes upwards and say, "What do You want with me?"

"And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments, or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you manna, which you did not know, did your fathers know; that he might make you know, but that man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD."

- Deuteronomy 8:2-3

I'm sure we've all been in that place of unknowing and hopelessness, that wilderness of uncertainty and as the walls close in around us, we wonder why? Why, as the children of God, why we are meant to walk through this wilderness seemingly alone, without help.

In a "Christianese" translation - to carry one's cross.

To be blunt about it, it sucks. The pain of feeling completely abandoned will never lose its sting however, I believe that the wilderness is a place of growth and rebirth for every child. Wilderness is a necessary experience because wilderness routes lead you to the promises of God. When you find yourself stranded from your friends and family, desperately grasping and holding onto the last semblance of sanity you can muster because it hurts so bad you're not sure you'll be in your right mind for long, lift your head up high. God doesn't send you into the wilderness because He's angry with you, me or anyone else, He does it because he wants to prepare us.

The wilderness is a good place, not a bad one. It is in no way, a place of rejection. The funny thing is, God doesn't bring you into the wilderness if He doesn't already have a way out for you. It's a place for you to hold to the lessons you've learned and apply them. You can teach a baby to walk by holding both its hands and walking with it, however it really starts to learn when the parents let go and the baby toddles along on its own. The parent is not gone, just allowing the child to finally walk on its own.

A lot of times I feel like I'm going the opposite direction from my dreams and the promises of God, but the scene in which God sets for me, is never what I thought it would look like, it's better. God normally doesn't do things the way we expect them to be done. We receive what we need, not just what we want. We need to be able to discern what is good and what is of God. Not everything that iseems good, is of God.

In the wilderness the fruit of the spirit is cultivated, not in the times ease and bounty.

The change that brings us closer to God is not always easy, but it is always good.

"But do not ignore this one fact, beloved, that with the LORD one day is as 1,000 years and 1,000 years as one day. The LORD is not slow about His promise as some count slowness, but is forbearing towards you, not wishing that any should parish, but that all should reach repentance."
- 2 Peter 3:8-9

Thoroughly Upset

2007-10-13T17:24:00.000-05:00

There comes a point in everyone's life when they get thoroughly upset. You go beyond the bounds of angry, or disappointed, and you just sit there in cold recognition of the fact that you are upset. So here it is, for everyone to read and enjoy, I am thoroughly, completely and unabashedly upset.

I'm a hostess at a restaurant. Can I tell you a little something about hostess at a restaurant? It is so obnoxious if you don't tell the hostess straight up that you want a booth, or a table, or a quiet place or whatever whatever whatever. If you are a customer at a restaurant and are going to be a pain in the rear about where you want to sit (exp: you know you're going to want a booth and you won't stand for sitting anywhere else) just say it! Don't wait until they've brought you to the table and are ready for you to sit at the place they've selected for you because odds are, they brought you there for a reason. If they're not sitting you somewhere else, it probably means that the table they're bringing you to is the one that is most readily available at that time. So sit down, and eat up. The food will taste the same whether you eat it there, or the table right next to it. Just sit down! Don't make us spit in your food. Please, that's a lot of wasted saliva.

I'm cranky. I haven't written about any substantial in a long time, because I haven't felt the drive to write about wonderful mind-altering things. Right now, I just want to write about... feelings. Yes ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about feelings. I'm a little tweaked. I've gone that angry thing going on in my stomach and it's made a home and I don't like it. I'm tired of irresponsibility, I'm tired of selfishness, I'm tired of flaky personalities, and most of all I'm tired of liars. Guess what? My pet peeve is lying. I absolutely abhor lying. I can't and don't stand for it and half truths count. All these things funnel into my general disgust with the world surrounding me right now and after this, everybody knows it. So there it is. Direct from me to you. Give me some space, because right now, all I want to do is scream at everyone.

Maybe Dats Your Pwoblem Too

2007-10-05T12:06:00.000-05:00

All my pwoblems
who knows, maybe evwybody's pwoblems
is due to da fact, due to da awful twuth
dat I am SPIDERMAN.

I know. I know. All da dumb jokes:
No flies on you, ha ha,
and da ones about what do I do wit all
doze extwa legs in bed. Well, dat's funny yeah.
But you twy being
SPIDERMAN for a month or two. Go ahead.

You get doze cwazy calls fwom da
Gubbener askin you to twap some booglar who's
only twying to wip off color T.V. sets.
Now, what do I cawre about T.V. sets?
But I pull on da suit, da stinkin suit,
wit da sucker cups on da fingers,
and get my wopes and wittle bundle of
equipment and den I go flying like cwazy
acwoss da town fwom woof top to woof top.

Till der he is. Some poor dumb color T.V. slob
and I fall on him and we westle a widdle
until I get him all woped. So big deal.

You tink when you SPIDERMAN
der's sometin big going to happen to you.
Well, I tell you what. It don't happen dat way.
Nuttin happens. Gubbener calls, I go.
Bwing him to powice, Gubbener calls again,
like dat over and over.

I tink I twy sometin diffunt. I tink I twy
sometin excitin like wacing cawrs. Sometin to make
my heart beat at a difwent wate.
But den you just can't quit being sometin like
SPIDERMAN.
You SPIDERMAN for life. Fowever. I can't even
buin my suit. It won't buin. It's fwame wesistent.
So maybe dat's youwr pwoblem too, who knows.
Maybe dat's da whole pwoblem wif evwytin.
Nobody can buin der suits, dey all fwame wesistent.
Who knows?

- James W. Hall

Happy Tuesday!

2007-10-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

This weekend has been amazing as far as weather goes, its been beautiful and sunny, and in the blink of an eye there's lightening streaking the sky and thunderclouds rolling in. Oh, heaven. I don't understand my fascination with what would normally be called "bad weather" but I love the rain. I love the breath before the storm, the smell and then the budding of new life afterwards. It's raining right now, love it!

I had my Revamp training on Sunday night. Revamp is kind of like Youthworks on the weekends, but it has a different essence than Youthworks had. For starters, I'm going to be working with some bigger numbers (aka 150 participants as opposed to 70) and the retreat is more educationally based than a focus on improving living conditions for the community where we'll be staying. We're only going to be there for a weekend so there's just not enough time to make the kind of impact on the community that Youthworks had on their sites. However, it will open the eyes of middle schoolers up to the reality of poverty in the city (Minneapolis) and letting them experience that sort of limited means, since most of them will be coming from privileged families. I'm really excited about the retreat this upcoming weekend and I can't wait to be a part of the team that I've been placed with.

I'm so excited for this next month and a half. First it's Revamp Middle School style. Next it's Amy and Adam's birthday, both equally exciting in their own special Amy and Adam ways. Then it's Revamp High School style. Again, looking forward to a new twist and MORE participants (aka 300!). Then it's Chicago! What's even better is Zach might be coming with me to Chicago and that's really exciting. He hasn't confirmed yet but it would be awesome if he did.

Again, another lame entry, but I'm trying to keep all of you one your toes. One of these is going to be dirty, profound and full of incredible depth you're not even going to know what hit you. Cheers!

Weekend At A Glance

2007-09-23T22:16:00.000-05:00

I haven't done a weekend re-cap in awhile so I figured I would break the chain and throw a little something new in.

Friday was lovely. I worked. Those are probably the two saddest words you could string together to form a sentence but there they are, for everyone to see. I was able to go home a little earlier than I expected and headed over to Eric's to visit him and Luke for an evening. It was a pretty chill night, nothing too extraordinary happened. Luke leaves for Rome in two days so it was nice to see him before he goes. Of course, come February, I'll probably see him more in a few shorts months than I have since we graduated together.

Saturday was eventful. After working (again) I drove over to Barnes' to hang out with the family for awhile. We went to an apple orchard and I had a very intriguing conversation with some kids there about the nature of goats and fish. I haven't had a chance to just hang out with kids in awhile so I really enjoyed that. Kim, Jaimie, Nate, Jake and I all hung out there for a time, until they closed, and then we all met Bruce at Maynards and ate dinner. Afterwards, I left and went to hang out with Marlise. It was so wonderful to see her. We went to our hill and talked about everything and nothing all at the same time and just enjoyed the night.

Sunday I had brunch with Nick, Marlise, Amy, Kara and Adam which was a wonderful meal. It was good food mixed with good conversation... what more could you want really? Nothing, is my answer to that. I finished the evening with work and now I'm off to do homework. Fin.

God bless
Jen

** Side note: If you all could keep Bruce's mother in your prayers that would be great. She had a pretty bad fall and is in the hospital. Thank you. **

Can't Make Up Your Mind?

2007-09-07T09:29:00.000-05:00

I think it's funny the way someone can be so adamant about what they really want and who they really are; they convince themselves of that one thing, that this is who they are and there is no way of changing that fact, and yet they continue to bounce back and forth between who they continue to tell themselves they are and who they truly are, all pretending aside. If that doesn't make any sense to you let me apologize, however, when written any other way it still doesn't make any sense. The fact of the matter being the entire situation is a little bit screwy and my calm understanding for this type of confusion is growing very thin. After hearing the same excuses and the same pleas for help and support... well... it all seems very circumstantial and incredibly superficial.

There are many parts about us we can't change. Our natural hair color will always be the same root-deep. The natural color of our eyes will be ever present. Our brain is ours to love and cherish and even though we may fill it with new knowledge in the hopes of expanding its capacities, it will still, at the end of the day, be our brain. Our feet and hands and torso and every limb on us will always be ours. Though we may exercise or lose one due to frostbite, an accident or maybe just because we were careless (although that would be unfortunate indeed) they will always be the same... and still our limbs.

However there are parts that can and sometimes must be either changed, or perhaps repressed for the betterment of our souls and minds as a whole. The urge to sleep with a married man for instance is something that must be fought, especially if that is a habitual desire that one has. The urge to skip your next class, not for any particular reason other than the fact that you stayed up too late last night, with full awareness that you had class the next day. That urge must also be suppressed, often times on this side of the keyboard. These are all things, though a part of our character, that can be twisted and reversed so that we as people become better for it. So why would you want to hold on to the misdirected parts of your character? Does it feel good to sleep in and skip class? Yes, yes it really does. Does it feel good to have an affair with an attractive female? I'm going to assume yes, but that is a situation that I have never personally experienced. But we'll say yes. Despite the overwhelming evidence that this does in fact "feel good", the truth is that it is not actually good.

So why do it? Because we are weak and can only bend to the repulsive desires of our weak physical forms? Well that sounds like fun. Wouldn't it be nice to say, for once, I was strong and went to my Quantitative Reasoning and Stats class? Not in the sense that magically this day Stats class got better, but this morning I said no to my physical being and said yes to my soul for the improvement of my immortal nature. I was strong.

So before you make an excuse and say, "But I had to, it's who I am." Think very hard because it's getting difficult for me to be forgiving. Is it really who you are? If you were to list all the things about you would you want it to say, "I am governed by my physical desires because I have no strength to oppose them"? And though our society today may say, "Why suppress?" I say this to you, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world. But be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (The Bible ;) ).

That is all.
Cheers and God Bless!

Jen

Perhaps I'll Walk

2007-09-04T23:23:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny how things in life shift and turn in a matter of small moments strung together to form a history? The reality of existence isn't cold or hot but simply astonishing in the sense that it continues whether you're ready for it or not. The summer feels like it has rushed by and run away giggling with all the pleasure of unexpected surprise. So ends summer, freedom and misadventures and the commencement of books, teachers and mechanical pencils.

I'm actually really excited for school to begin again. I'm one of those students who count the days down from 100 to when the semester begins again. Not really, but I'm sure I would if I ever thought about it that soon. My classes are going to be great, with the exception of statistics but we've all got our personal battles right? Of course we do. Statistics happens to be mine, however once this class is done with I will have completed all my prerequisites for school! After that it's just my major and minors that need to be completed. Not too shabby for 1st Semester Junior year.

I'll write something more satisfactory soon. Cheers!

God bless
Jen

Coming Home

2007-08-06T09:58:00.000-05:00

Exit Ramp.

I can't believe I'm here. In less than 24 hours I'm going to be home finally! I'm so excited to see everyone and finaly be with all my friends and family from home. Youthworks has been an absolutely amazing and eye opening experience and I loved it. However, now I'm ready to come home a get back to a regular pace of life. Constantly moving and planning and entertaining is more draining than I would have ever imagined it to be and I'm ready for good rest and a relaxed daily schedule.

Just so you all know. I'm having people over tomorrow evening! You can show up pretty much any time after 5 o'clock and hang out with me. As a warning I may be tired but I'm so thrilled to finally see everyone!

It's funny to come back after everything and see everyone from Ramp at the beginning of summer. We all look different and I feel like we've all become more compete versions of ourselves. There have been several people now who have surprised me by how much they came out of their shells. I've also met a lot of fantastic people who I'm really going to miss once I've gone. Jake, Holly from your area last year says, "Handsome Jake." You know. Well I've got to go check in now so I'll talk to you all soon! Cheers!

God bless
Jen

It's Weird to Think You Know why I Cry

2007-07-03T10:21:00.000-05:00

I amazed at the deep complexities of God's plan for all of us, and our ability to follow it freely, of our own will. I've been so used to being a mystery, to being that person who is so closed up and so unreachable that I don't know how to feel knowing that multiple now know why I am the way I am in the truest sense. For those who are confused, it's okay... don't worry. When I have someone say, "I understand you," after months of them saying, "I don't get it" it's such a relief to no longer have to keep myself from them. It's so weird to think that I'm not even the one who had to open up about it, and for that I am so grateful because I believe it was realized in the most appropriate way it could have been. I started crying, and it wasn't because I was angry or sad, it was because I felt a brick lift off my chest. It's hard going day to day and not be able to tell those you love what really has shaped your inside and for them to finally understand is... well... I still don't have the words to describe it. Ya'll will have to work with me, I'm not used to being that vulnerable ;)

Youthworks! is going well. I loved the group we had last week. The kids were phenomenal and full of life and over half the adult leaders were college aged students or had just graduated which was amazing because my team and I finally had someone to goof around with our own age. We love the kids and we love the adult leaders but the sense of companionship produced from last weeks group was refreshing. We didn't want them to leave. But everyone always leaves... how sad. The girls in one of the church groups got really emotional the night of the foot-washing and one of the them came up to me that night and hugged me. As she cried she looked at me and said, "Thank you, you've really shown me what I can be. You've shown me what a true Christian looks like and I hope I can be like you." Talk about mind blowing. It's odd to think, with all my insecurities, and all my doubts, this girl is striving to be someone like me. These little moments are what Youthworks! has really been about for me. You can't describe Youthworks! in a slogan or a few camera shots. It's about all those little moments throughout the summer that work to create a new you.

After she said that I attempted to get all the sobbing girls into a big group hug and ended up picking one of their noses as they gathered in towards me. That is what Youthworks! is also about. Unexpected funny scenarios. Yes Lord!

The week before we had a group do a skit that involved a fashion show using some clothes that had received from one of the ministry sites they work at. One of the hosts wore a button up one-piece suit that was obviously too small for him. They had boys in girl's clothes and girls in boy's clothes and the grande finale was of a really skinny tall kid, robed in a trench coat. He walked out with sunglasses the coat and a hat and at the end of their runway he threw off his coat to reveal head to toe spandex unitard body armor! I may have screamed. No one was expecting it, but it was absolutely hilarious! They won the skit contest.

I included some pictures that are on Facebook but they made me giggle as I went through them on my break today. So enjoy them. The first one is of me, freaking out in the truck at the beginning of the summer because I was trying to drive and eat a muffin at the same time, which is NOT Youthworks! appropriate but I was young and naive then ;) The second is me with the creeper boyscouts we found in Zach's room as I attempt to blow up the palm tree all by myself. Which, by the way, has a hole in it somewhere so every week I have to re-blow it up otherwise it flops over and looks very depressed. We can't have a droopy tree in our club room. The next is the don't be a moron and try and kill yourself sign on the edge of the falls. Makes me giggle inside every time I see it so I just wanted ya'll to share in my joy with me. I hope it brings you joy and laughter... and LOVE too. The last one is the team in Niagara Falls being very photo genetic one of the first weeks. Aren't we precious? I think we are.

Before I go, I just want ya'll to know I love you and I miss you. I'm having a fantastic time but you are my foundation and support and you've been great. Thank you so much for all the support you continue to give!

God bless,
Jen

Win Some, Lose Some More

2007-06-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, if ya'll could pray for my team this week that would be awesome. Thursday evening, while we were all upstairs doing the foot-washing, someone came into the church and stole one of my teammate's social security card, cell phone and digital camera. They also took my wallet which contained all my financial means while I'm away from home including my debit card, my check and my credit card, cash and a bunch of other items that one normally keeps in wallets. They stole these things right out of our bedroom in the basement so it's really diminished our feeling of security after finally settling in.

It's been really upsetting for us and it really put a damper on our end of the week because we didn't discover this theft until the next morning when the kids were getting ready to leave. So prayers would be really appreciated. As well as prayers for the community here. I would like to say that this sort of thing is not the norm here but, I can't say that and still be speaking truth so please keep the people of Niagara Falls in your prayers. I appreciate all the support we've gotten so far so thanks.

God bless
Jen

Holy Cowbuckets!

2007-06-12T18:45:00.000-05:00

New phrase of the century! I expect everyone to have it fully lodged into their vocabulary by the time I get back. I have so many stories to tell all of you but I have no idea where to start... so I'll quote scripture. Always a good option, yes?

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech , in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
- I Timothy 4:12

I'm 20 years old. I haven't even been alive for a quarter of a century yet. I am constantly asking myself, what can I do? How can I help when I've lived such a short time on the planet that I call my home. I know people who are 40 and 50 years old, they've made a difference, but they've had so much more time to do it than I have. What age does one start making a difference?

I got a "happy fun note" yesterday for one of the youth on our trip. "Happy Fun Bags" are the Youthworks inner mailing system between participants, adult leaders and staff at sites. We had gone to Niagara Falls that evening and I'd spent most of my time with a student who didn't want to go to the souvenir shop with the rest of her group (this group does that a lot... they shop) so I took the student with me out to the Three Sisters Islands instead. They were able to take some really cool photos and we were just able to talk, and play and get to know one another. Later on that evening, after club and lights had been turned out, I got to check my Happy Fun Bag. In it was a letter.

"Jen
Thank you so much for going with me when my group went shopping. I've never gotten to know a teacher, counselor or anyone older than I, as well as I got to know you and I had a great time! It really meant a lot to me that you walked with me and that we were able to talk and see how cool Niagara Falls is. Thanks."

Did I make a difference? Probably not a big one. In fact, I don't even know if that student will remember me when they go home and go back to their regularly scheduled lives, but I know for a fact that I've been touched by that note. For a brief moment, I touched someone else's life and they touched mine. I don't really know how that makes me feel, but I'm smiling as I write the story, that's got to count for something, right?

God bless
Jen

Can I Admit That I Miss You?

2007-06-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's been only about a week since I got here. I feel like I'm home and have been here as long as the crumbling brick that pave the sidewalks that were set down in the early 1800s. I've found a place here that is unexpected for me, a nook in the city's cultural traditions. As I walk into the grocery store for some quick pick ups for dinner in the evening, I'm greeted by the people that I've met throughout the community. On Saturday's I can order "the usual" at our favorite breakfast restaurant. It's like that feeling when you show up late to a crowded event, and someone's saved you a seat. It's such an awesome sense of belonging, I haven't felt that wanted in a long time.

We prayed the other day in a group about how we wanted God to work in us this summer. How do you even begin to ask that question? That was my immediate response. How can I ask for something when I don't even know all the choices? But I think I may have finally decided on what I want to work on personally, aside from everything else I'm already striving to achieve.

I want to become a trusting person. I want to open myself up to the world, the people in it, and finally break down the walls I've worked so deliberately to build. My loved ones deserve that much from me, and I think, as I strive to bring God deeper into my life, I may be able to do it. I'm going to have to give my testimony to my team sometime during the summer, and I think it would mean more if I was able to share all of it, the dark aspects as well as the light. What happens when people finally know? I've never experienced that... it could be fun...

I have to get going now though, I want you all to know that I miss you so much! I wish I could box everyone up and have them shipped here to me. Pray for my team, next week we get our first group and there's still a lot to do. You are all in my thoughts.

God bless
Jen

Zion

2007-05-26T16:13:00.001-05:00

I have arrived! Well... I arrived yesterday...

Yesterday we finally made it to Niagara Falls, where I will be spending the next ten weeks or so serving in the community and basically offering myself up to God and all His plans for me. Talk about a load of pressure on your shoulders.

We've met a whole slew of people in the community already. Richard, the caretaker at Zion Lutheran Church (our housing site) and his wife Barb. Man oh man, if ever there was a woman who wore the pants in the relationship, it's Barb. That woman is a force to be reckoned very obviously and unapologetically. Richard has been rushing around, trying to get the church set up for us, apparently stuff doesn't get done in this town very quickly, and trying to get us keys and information about our site. He's a really awesome older gentleman who is a really blessing in our lives.

One of the biggest frustrations that we have is what Richard likes to refer to as "the ladies." Apparently, "the ladies" are the driving force behind Zion and everything that happens must first be directed through them. Oh boy. We're trying to keep an open mind about them, and we have a meeting with them on Tuesday after Memorial Day, but they've been the cause of a lot of anxiety for us. They've taken over a lot of Youthworks! equipment that we need to use, and it's kind of a hassle to have to ask them permission to use items that Youthworks! has paid for, in order that we may get through the summer a little more sufficiently. I'm sure they're all lovely women, but right now, they're definitely the cause of some early-week jitters.

We also met Teri at a dough nut shop this morning. She served us our food and was an absolutely fantastic woman. Her husband owns "Franke's". I am actually pretty sure her husband is Franke. They have phenomenal breakfast sandwiches with egg, sausage and cheese with a toasted bun. Finger-licking good right there.

Jeff works at Tops and he's hilarious. There's not a whole lot to talk about when it comes to his general characteristics, but he's just a really interesting guy and we've told him we would make regular visits to him on Friday's for our food. That participant's food we get at Sam's Club. There's so much to do before the youth groups come! We've finally figured out how we're going to house all of them in the church. So the process finally begins! We're leaving Starbucks now! I've got to going.

God bless
Jen

Hello Friends!

2007-05-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

I have an address!

Zion Evangelical Lutheran Church
Youthworks!- Jen Lunneborg
1010 Michigan Avenue
Niagara Falls, NY 14305

Actually, I don't quite have an address yet, but I will on Friday! Friday being tomorrow. We head out tomorrow morning around 9:00 am (so says Zach, our Urban Ministries staff) but Rachel (Site Director) isn't sure. My site staff consists of four people: myself (Work Projects), Caroline (Program), Rachel and Zach. They are absolutely fantastic and I really enjoy each of them.

So far we haven't been doing anything but sitting and going over packet after packet of information on our specific job, site, ministry type, and community type. There are 77 people here training to fill either the role of Work Projects, Urban Ministry, Site Director, Program, Kids Club, or Outrageous Sports Camp. OSC is a new ministry that Youthworks! added to meet the needs of older kids in communities that are impoverished since Kids Club is normally for younger children. Biff (the only OSC guy in our region) is such an awesome guy, he is going to be a real blessing to Charleston.

But anyway, back to me! I'm actually not as nervous as I thought I was going to be. I'm a little bit nervous, and we've talked about this in our Work Projects role building meetings, about being a female WP with many adult male leaders who think they are going to be better than me. Other than that, I'm pretty set. Paint mixing should be interesting, and I'm sure I'll have lots of stories for all of you when I get back... or when I write to you! I have to get going though because we're going to have a meeting about vehicular transportation.

I miss all of you so much! Please don't forget about me while I'm gone. Write to me, I have no one's address so I can't write to you until you tell me what your address is. I love you!

God bless
Jen

"It's the Final Countdown"

2007-05-11T13:17:00.000-05:00

Classes are almost over. I've got one more at 1:35pm and then no mas. I still have finals, obviously, which I'm really nervous about but they should be fine. I might get thoroughly ravaged by them as well though so we'll see!

This week has been a hurricane. Yesterday I had to go up to St. Cloud to do my CPR/AED training because the classes in Minneapolis weren't scheduled at convenient times for me (university classes and such). The class was dull, its kind of awkward making out with a doll for three hours trying to simulate the CPR/AED rescue motions. I named mine Friedrich, hoping that would help with the uncomfortable feeling, but it didn't. It was still awkward. There were only three people in my class though, so that was nice. We got done at 8:30pm instead of 10:00pm, so I was thankful for that. I even had time to go to Wendy's and eat an amazing Chicken Sandwich and Vanilla Shake before I headed up to St. John's.

After the class, I visited up at St. John's for awhile. A little group of us played a game which has been dubbed "Who's Line Is It Anyway?" Lame name, fun game. I'm a rhymer when I'm stressed apparently, look out! It wasn't as good of a game as I had hoped, I'm not sure if the phrases we got were bad or if I just wasn't in the right mood for it, but it just wasn't as funny as it normally is. Don't get me wrong, it was still really humorous, but I felt like the plots were lacking, and the phrases were too specific to be used in a diverse way. Most of mine were all sexual induendos, so that was kind of dumb, but that's what I had to work with.

As of now, I am late to class so I have to get going. Cheers!

God bless

Jen

Here We Go!

2007-05-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

So I finally found out where I'm headed off to this summer. Can anyone guess? Here's a hint... look at the picture!

Yup, Niagara Falls.

Merry-Go-Round

2007-05-07T11:53:00.000-05:00

Only it's not that merry and I don't even think I like it.

Let's dance. A tango perhaps? You and me, on the floor, moving to the rhythm of a drum. You step, and I'll step, and we'll sweep across the room like a leaf riding the wind in September. We break, a breath in between the passion of the movement. You follow as I lead; and then we connect, dancing together with the beat.

Take # 57,632

2007-04-30T13:26:00.000-05:00

How do I explain myself? I do I convey the overall frustration that has seemed to consume me in what seems like a very short period of time? How do I say what it is I really want to say when so many things hinder my ability to speak?

Angry? Yea, kind of.
Annoyed? Actually yes.
Tired? Pretty much exhausted.

And my summer hasn't even started yet.

There are about a million things that I would like to scream at the top of my lungs, but good form and common courtesy stay my tongue. However, I just feel it all boiling over as more and more things happen.

Issue #1 : I'm going to be working for Youthworks! this summer and I'm so excited, but I'm absolutely terrified. It's going to be a phenomenal experience for me, but that doesn't change the fact that it's going to be physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. How does one prepare for that? It's all going to be totally worth it in the end, but right now I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I only see the big gaping dark hole of an entrance. I can't explain it any other way.

Issue #2 : Is it sad when someone tells you something and you don't ever believe them? You want to so bad, and you try really hard to believe what they're saying, but their words dry up before your eyes and all your left with is sand and dirt. Isn't that a miserable type of friendship? I mean, can you really call that a friendship? And if you can't, is it really worth trying to mend if you know nothing they'll ever do will bring your trust back? I know that it's not worth my time, and I know that it's still going to hurt me every time I find I've been lied to yet again, and yet, this is the type of friendship I've settled for with that person. One lie after the other. I only role my eyes now. "Jen, I'm really trying to be a better person because I know that's what God wants." Yea, okay. "Jen, I'm so lucky that I have you as a friend because I really appreciate your opinion." Sure. Whatever. I mean, come on! How lame is that? A little piece inside of me wishes all of it were true, all the good things, all the happy things. Either that or I wish it just didn't bother me, but here I am, sitting and being bothered.

Issue #3 : I'm having a really hard time understanding the selfishness that seems to have crept its way into the hearts of many of my closest friends. You know what? I'm not sorry that I can't invite everyone to everything all the time. You won't get an apology for me. I'm not sorry that I hang out with multiple groups of people and reserve certain events for certain friends. I'm not sorry that I don't comfort people who are simply wallowing in their own self pity so someone will notice them. I find it a complete waste of time. Friends are supposed to be there for each other. I realize we all have our rough days, but think about how you're going to let other people know how you're feeling. Don't yell at someone because someone else hurt your feelings, where is the sense in that? Just go to the person you're upset with. Believe it or not, I can't read minds. Funny huh? Can't do it. If a friend is hurting, comfort them, don't make it worse by trying to make it all about you. Don't pretend like you know what's going on, you probably have no idea. Sometimes you won't find out right away either, deal with it. Friends don't always have to share everything.

Aside from that. I'm pretty normal. I'm just extremely frustrated and stressed. I AM sorry if this hurts anyones feelings, but people are hurting those I hold closest to my heart and I am not okay with that. Not at all.

Youthworks!

2007-04-23T13:16:00.000-05:00

Hello to all!

So, I got my acceptance letter from Youthworks this weekend! I'm the Work Projects staff member for some site... in some place... with some people...

Oh jeez...

I'm so excited. Really terrified. But I'm so excited, I'm really going to miss everyone this summer, however, I'll keep in touch I promise. I leave May 21st... so we all really have to get on the whole hanging out thing.

God bless
Jen

Hooray!

2007-04-19T09:29:00.000-05:00

I would just really appreciate prayers today guys! Thanks so much!

How Can I Entertain You This Evening?

2007-04-16T23:33:00.000-05:00

How do I feel? I feel like a tiger in a cage, all the little kids poking at me, trying to make me do a trick. Perhaps if they give me food, I'll smile and show my teeth. Perhaps I'll even dance. Look at the pretty tiger, how will she entertain today?

Who am I? I'm scared. I am insecure. I am strong. I do not trust easily. Sometimes, I even cry. I am confused. I hate feeling trapped; it makes me run. I hate being told the answer when I haven't figured it out yet. I will make my own decisions, because God gave me that ability. I will not lie to you. Sometimes I wish I were thinner, or prettier, or smarter. I am not perfect, don't ever expect me to be. I'm not perfect, don't ever expect me to be.

My past experiences, good or bad, have made me what I am today. It took awhile for me to finally grow to be comfortable in my own skin, but I am. I'm proud of how far I've come, and I am very excited to see where He leads me tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. Each dawn is a new chance to be delighted, and each time the sun sets, I reflect on how lucky I am to be living. Not only am I living, but I am fortunate to have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, amazing friends, and a family that loves me. I've been blessed twice over and thank God for His gifts to me.

People are so used to seeing me laugh, they think that's all I do and that I'm only capable of feeling happiness. My smile has become a regular staple, and when it isn't in place, it's my fault. How dare I not be giggly. I dare I not entertain.

I ask for prayers. Though I may laugh and joke about being stressed, I am hurting deeply inside right now. There are many things on my heart and I can't always mask those aches with smiles. I'm stretched out emotionally, I'm sick and I'm exhausted. Don't pressure me, I just need time and space. Pray that I may be granted calm and understanding.

Issues

2007-04-10T12:13:00.000-05:00

I'm so confused!

Wait... first...

HAPPY BELATED EASTER TO EVERYONE! I hope it was full of love, laughter and Amy Vergin! No holiday is complete without Amy Vergin. But you already knew that. Yay!

Anyways... still confused. I don't understand, what I thought I wanted, I don't. What I thought I didn't want, I do. I hate cucumbers and to top it all off I still can't describe myself in three words! I mean, I can, but it just ends up sounding really corny and off. God's wiles are a complete mystery to me and at this particular moment in time, it's bugging the poop out of me. See that, on the floor? Poop!

How does this happen? I don't even know.

Factoid of the Day: Jen + too much meat right after lent = Terrible indigestion

You Decide

2007-04-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

Greetings y'all. So Nate actually introduced me to this band... yesterday? Amazing. Can't even handle it, so here you go.

You Decide
FireFlight

Fiction and Reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You’ve been searching you’ve been crying out,
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt

You decide
Who will you run to
Wrong or right
There is no reason
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide

God is calling out to you again,
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up your life,
Will you stay the same or will you fight

You decide
Who will you run to
Wrong or right
There is no reason
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life

Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
It’s tearing you apart
God is calling out to you just let healing start
Will you open up and let Him in

You decide
Who will you run to
Wrong or right
There is no reason
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide

You decide

So recap, Friday was dinner night with Michael, Joe, Allison, Tyler, Kelsey and myself. It was fricken amazing. I have no idea how we pulled that sucker off but it was so good. Man, even thinking about it makes me crazy. It was so good, it's going to be really hard to compete with that sucker. We had a blackberry, cinnamon-almond, and raspberry vinaigrette salad with cherry tomatoes. We then had glazed asparagus, homemade mozzarella bread and seasoned salmon with lemonade or fruit punch for drinks. To finish it off we had chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches. So delicious. We then played all sorts of games (and Tim, Callie and Andrew joined us). The first was an amazing round of BS in which Michael and I retained all the cards of the two decks we had combined. Way to go strategies. The next batch of games were a whole bunch of "Thinking" games, ones that you had to figure out what was going on in order to play. We all became very smart that night, mostly with the help of Allison because as soon as she got any of them she would tell everyone. After that I called Amy, Justin, Adam and Nate over to play Mafia. I think we had about twelve people playing Mafia. Good group of people. The game was awesome. Granted we had two future lawyers in the mix, which made for very good trials, we had Justin... who just likes confrontation... and Joe and Tyler who are conniving little devils, plus Callie and Tim who were really fun to kill, and Amy who just liked the whole spectacle of the thing. Fantastic.

People probably started leaving around... 1 am or so? I don't really remember when I decided to kick people out but we ended the evening and I went to sleep. Saturday wasn't that great. I woke up and was in a terrible mood. No reason at all, just in a generally terrible mood. I had to work at 4 until 9:30pm. I went home and hung out for a little bit and then headed over to Nate's where they were playing... guess what... Mafia! After the fantastic games I had played the evening before I opted out. The rounds were significantly less eventful but still a solid game. As people were beginning to leave, Amy and I jumped into Nate's bed... which was amazing... and fell asleep, sorry Nate. It is such a comfortable bed!

Sunday... oh Sunday. Sunday was April 1st and for those who don't know what that means, and no it's not April Fools Day, you have been in a ditch the past year. I finally get to date in April, it's been a whole year since Jake and I broke up (I don't remember the day so I just use the month) and I promised myself I would wait a year before dating again. So April 1st was that magical day. I had to work from 2 to close (7:00pm). Then I drove home to have dinner with my family. Amy called me at 8 and asked me where I was. I told her I was still at home, I told her I would call her when I got back. I headed back to school around 9, I think. I picked Joe up and brought him back to school, dropped him off at his dorm and then drove home. I got in and started talking with Callie and Tim for a bit. Then Kelsey came down and told me she had a surprise for me. I was like, oh yay surprises! I walked out of Callie's room and saw cookies on the counter.

"Who's cookies are these?!" Me

"I made them." "They're mine." Callie and Kelsey at the same time...

"Alright? Well, can I have one?" Me

"Yea, sure." Callie and Kelsey

So I trot upstairs, cookie in hand. I go through the hallway and am about to turn on the light in my room when I notice a dark shadowy figure in the blackness. I nearly pooped my pants. I screamed in absolute terror and darted back behind the corner of where the hallway meets the little study lounge in the upstairs area. If it had been a rapist... I'm not sure what that hiding place would have done for me... but whatever. It took me a second to realize it was Adam. By that time he was already laughing at me and I was too shaky and embarrassed to say anything comprehensible. I could hear Kelsey, Callie and Tim laughing downstairs as well. I found out that the cookies from downstairs were Adam's, not Kelsey's, and Callie definitely didn't make them. I've got my own special stash up in my room now... Kelsey and I finished off the others yesterday in about five minutes... along with a lovely bouquet of flowers from the creeper who hid in my room. I shook for about 10 minutes afterwards because of the scare it gave me.

So here I am... April 2nd, and no longer single. Haha makes me laugh inside. Everyone pray for Adam's sanity ;) .

Amy came over later on that night and we had a sleep over... but we were both so tired we didn't do a whole lot... except have a run-in with my blue holder thingy that's supposed to beable to curl up into a nice compactible carry thing... didn't work so well. I still haven't decided on three words that describe me... but I think I'm almost there. We'll see. I have to go now, I was supposed to be working on a Philosophy paper, and instead I'm doing this. Curses on distraction. Cheers everyone!

God bless
Jen

Ain't it Kinda Funny?

2007-03-29T13:47:00.000-05:00

So much to do, so little time... so I waste it by posting. Hooray for me. While at Booneville, a couple of friends of mine and myself got into a theological/philosophical discussion about the presence of Free Will and God's all-knowing nature. The problem was raised, if God is all-knowing... can we really have free will? I apologize ahead of time for those who either a) don't understand philosophy or b) don't care about philosophy. I'll include pictures to make it more interesting ;). Here's the arugment against the coexistance of both as laid out by a modern philosopher.

1. It is now true that Clarence will have a cheese omelet for breakfast tomorrow. (Premise)
2. It is impossible that God should believe what is false, or fail to believe timelessly anything that is true. (Premise: Divine Omniscience)
3. God timelessly believes that Clarence will have a cheese omelet tomorrow. (From 1,2)
4. If God timelessly believes a certain thing, it is not now in anyone's power to bring it about that God does not timelessly believe that thing. (Premise: the unalterability of divine eternity)
5. Therefore, it is not now in Clarence's power to bring it about that God does not timeleslly believe that he will have a cheese omelet for breakfast. (From 3, 4)
6. It is not possible for it to be true both that God timelessly believes that Clarence will have a cheese omelet for breakfast, and that he does not have one. (From 2)
7. Therefore, it is not in Clarence's power to refrain from having a cheese omelet for breakfast tomorrow. (From 3,5,6) So Clarence's eating the omelet tomorrow is not an act of free choice. (From definition of free will)

The real question comes to, does God know because it's going to happen or does it happen because God knows?

I would submit that God knows because it's going to happen. I would first challenge his final conclusion (7) because in his argument, he never actually distinguishes what the free choice is. We will therefore assume, that what he means by "free will" is the definition that is often given to free will. In his dialogues, Anselm challenges the common thought of what "free will" actually is. Having asked this question in the group I was debating with, they responded that free will is the ability to do right and wrong, to sin or not to sin, which is the same definition that Anselm was given. However, given this definition of free will, there arises a rather large problem:

1. Either we have free will after the fall, or we don't.
2. If we have free will after the fall, then we have the ability not to sin, and consequently, we don't need grace.
3. If we don't have free will after the fall, then (on the assumption that free will is necessary for moral responsibility), we post-lapsarian humans are never responsible for our sins.
4. Therefore we either don't need grace, or we are never responsible for our sins.

Problemas. I think most sane, healthy people would agree, that this is a very poor conclusion. However, under the circumstance, it is the correct conclusion which one would attain. The problem with the current definition of free will that we have is that free will applies to more than just human beings. It applies also to the blessed angels and God Himself. We, ergo, need a definition that applies to all three. God and the blessed angels cannot sin (God is all good, cannot sin by definition) so the "ability to sin or not to sin" does not work.

Anselm's alternative definition of free will: "Free will is the power of preserving rectitude of the will for its own sake."

This definition of free will can be applicable to humans, the blessed angels and God. Though God and the blessed angels do not have the capacity to sin, they certainly have the capacity to preserve rectitude of the will for its own sake. The main question is do humans have that capacity even after the fall? Because humans did not lose free will at the time of the fall, they still have the power for preserving rectitude of the will for its won sake. If we sin, if we abandon rectitude, we can be blamed for it. Lucky us. It does not follow that because we have free will we do not need grace, for though we retained the power of preserving rectitude of the will for its own sake, we lost the rectitude itself and thus became slaves to sin. This rectitude cannot be regained unless God gives it to us through grace. Going back up to the Free Will argument, one can then reject premise two of the argument. It does not follow that man does not need grace due to his free will post-lapsarian. Ergo, free will is the power of preserving rectitude of the will for its own sake.

Now we move onto the argument that God's foreknowledge and human's free will cannot coincide with one another. Here's the argument given in De Concordia, I:

1. All that God foreknows shall necessarily come to be.

2. Nothing that necessarily comes to be is a free action.

3. Therefore, nothing that God foreknows is a free action.

... Buddy over there is expressing the sadness of the possibility of not being able to make his own choices when he grows up.

In the De concordia, Anselm gives two replies to this argument.

First: Whatever entails a possibility is itself impossible. But the claim, "Nothing that God foreknows is a free action" entails an impossibility. For, if something is gong to occur freely, god, who foreknows everything, knows this very fact. And what God foreknows necessarily happens in the way God forknows it. Thus, if God foreknows that an action will take place freely, by that very fact, it will take place freely. Indeed, it is impossible that it NOT take place freely. The claim that "nothing God foreknows is a free action" entails the impossibility that "God foreknows a free action that is not free." But, then, the claim "nothing God foreknows is a free action" is itself impossbile.

Still with me?

Second: Anselm says that the argument as a whole is guilty of the fallacy of equivication, to assume that words that are the same, when used in an argument, mean exactly the same thing. As we all know, the English language is terrible, and often the same word means multiple different things. The sense of "necessarily" employed in the first premise is different from the sense of "necessarily" employed in the second. But the conclusion cannot follow given this.
Definition of necessity number 1: Consequent Necessity
Necessity that follows as a matter of simple logive from assuming certain things to be true or actual. Ex: If I assume that Clarence will be eating an omelet for breakfast tomorrow, it follows necessarily the he will be eating an omelet for breakfast. For, to deny that Clarence will be eating an omelet for breakfast is incompatible with the original assumption that he will be.
Definition of necessity number 2: Necessity of Compulsion
Necessity that belongs to an action that is determined by nature, by prior causes, or that is coerced.

What is foreknown by God comes about only by "Consequent Necessity." Given that God foreknows that Clarence will have an omelet for breakfast tomorrow, of course, Clarence will have an omelet. Were Clarence not to have the omelet, it would contradict the original assumption. It does not follow that Clarence's eating the omelet will have necessity in the sense of compulsion. It is only necessity of compulsion and not mere consequent necessity, that is inimical to free will.

Thus back to the previously stated argument of necessity, from the fact that what God foreknow will happen necessarily in the consequent sense, together with the fact that no actions that are necessary in the compulsion sense are free, it does not follow that nothing God foreknows is a free action.

So if we go all the way back to the original argument against foreknowledge and free will. Given premise 4: If God timelessly believes a certain thing, it is not now in anyone's power to bring it about that God does not timelessly believe that thing. (Premise: the unalterability of divine eternity). However, I would state this, "it is not in anyone's power to ALTER that belief, due to the premise of unalterability of divine eternity. It is, however, in his power to timelessly choose what God's unchanging beliefs are.

Thus, after all this wonderful philosophy, God's foreknowlege does not automatically assume that do not have free will due to a sort of predestination theory. The end.

Hola hola

2007-03-24T13:24:00.000-05:00

Greetings freinds! It is I, the wandering soul!

I just got back from Booneville (pronounced Boonevull) last night... well actually this morning at around midnight. It was an absolutely amazing trip. I'm not sure if I have ever had a trip touch me so internally before. I enjoyed every minute I was there. I really wasn't ready to come home. I could have stayed for a few more weeks, easy.

First off, southern hospitality is crazy. I've never seen so much food before in my life. I was in a constant state of being full, yet continued to eat everything because all looked so amazing! The community was so welcoming and just spoiled us rotten. I love cookies, and there were plenty to go around. If heaven was a material place, it would definitely be located in one of the southern states. Ridiculous!

We did a lot of different sorts of service while we were there. We plotted out an entire field in a cemetery, so that future graves could be laid. A bit depressing but we helped. We played at the Boys and Girls club and had lunch at an assisted living community. We also ripped the ceiling out of a warehouse-type structure so it could be transformed into a youth center. I was also part of the team that lead evening worship services in the Methodist Church that we were staying at. Members of the community were invited to attend and it was awesome to see the people who came, especially those that accompanied us during the feet-washing ceremony. It was cool.

The leaders who were volunteering in Booneville were phenomenal people. There were three of them: Melissa, Colleen, and Will. Their excitement was so contagious it made you want to work just that much harder. You could really tell they believed in what they were doing and were loving every minute of it. It's always cool to see God working.

On Thursday we did a BBQ up in the mountains about 45 minutes out of Booneville. Breathtaking! No joke. The view was beautiful and it was a really nice day out. We grilled hamburgers and brauts and hotdogs, ate chips and just sat around and goofed off. It was really nice to be able to relax after so much work. All of our strength was tested that weak in every aspect: mentally, emotionally, spritiually and physically. I've got a bruise the size of my face on my thigh from a plank of wood falling on top of me and my hip joints haven't worked correctly since the first day of cemetery work. But I'm content with everything that was accomplished and looking forward to the last two months of this semester.

I'm hungry.
God bless!

Jen

Phew!

2007-03-08T09:46:00.000-06:00

I'm exhausted.

I have little baggies under my eyes, I freak out easily AND I have used the word "poopy" multiple times within the course of the last few days. These things only happen (except for maybe the freak out part) when I've been worn extremely thin. Which I have apparently. I'm almost done with this week... but there is so much I have to accomplish between now and tomorrow night.

Opening night went off without any major glitches last night. Except for maybe the one part when the choir is supposed to come out on stage at the line, "You can hear the choir practicing" and well... we weren't there. Whoops. But all was well because we soon recognized the error and were out on stage in a flash. The reception afterwards was filled with cookies, soda, and laughter which made it all that much better after the performance. Only four more performances left! And then I'm off for two weeks. God be praised on high!

As far as what I've been up to goes... a whole lot of nothing. School and the play have been taking up an obscene amount of my time. I've been able to see a couple of friends, but only those located in the immediate area. This weekend a bunch of us went to visit Adam in his new house. Nate, Adam and I were there for awhile, and then Jake showed up and we all went to the grocery store to pick up some food, a pizza or two. However, Jake insisted that we needed two gallons of milk, ice cream, cookie patties, juice boxes, PLUS two pizzas... did I leave anything out? Needless to say, we were pretty stocked up. Amy and Kara showed up later on in the evening with some gifts for Adam. We all dispersed probably around 2 or 3 in the morning. The following evening, Nate called from Adam's parents house and told me to head on over there, which I did. I really wanted to build a fort. It makes sense to me, you become an adult and buy a house... the last night in your parents house revisit your childhood. FORT! Amy called me mid-build and informed me that she was bring comfy clothes and contact solution for me so I could spend the night. When she arrived, she and I... after some debate ;) ... decided we should go on an adventure. We came back with gifts for Adam (Adriel) and Nate (Snow Nate). It has confused them ever since. I'm not really sure why you guys can't just accept the fact that we bought you gifts. Why does there have to be a second motivation? We all slept in the fort that night. Amazing! I had an unexpected play rehearsal at 12:00 on Sunday, so I had to rush back to St. Thomas. The rehearsal lasted until about 6:00pm. I then headed over to the new house to help Adam unpack and rearrange his furniture in his room. I also learned how to set up a computer! Sort of... I learned which chords go where. I still have no idea how those chords benefit the function of the computer but I'm going quite convinced that it is benefitial to learn said funtions. Technology scares the poo out of me. And then Monday came around. Chaos ensued.

Alright, well class has started again so I must be off. For those of you who are coming tonight, I'll see you after the show! For those who aren't, bad form. Haha... just kidding! I'll see you soon, hopefully before I leave!

Final Stetch

2007-03-05T10:53:00.000-06:00

There has been a request to post my play times. So here they are. If you would like to come, I strongly suggest that you call and reserve tickets, otherwise you have to get there really early and it's just a pain.

Performance Dates and Times
Wednesday, March 7th @ 7:00 pm
Thursday, March 8th @ 7:00 pm
Friday, March 9th @ 7:00 pm
Saturday, March 10th @ 7:00 pm
Sunday, March 11th @ 2:00 pm

Cost: Tickets are $5 for general admission and free for students, faculty and staff with ACTC ID. For reservations call The O’Shaughnessy ticket office at St. Catherine, (651) 690-6700.

It would be awesome if those of you who are planning to attend could let me know when so I can see you all afterwards, and schedule homework accordingly because this is going to be an extremely busy week for me. If you have any questions about anything, just give me a call on the cell! Cheeriop darlings!

How Do I Explain Myself?

2007-03-01T09:56:00.000-06:00

I've had a lot on my mind lately. This past weekend, I don't feel like I was myself at all and I'm really sorry for those of you who witnessed that. My nerves were stretched as far as they could go... and I'm not very graceful in that sort of situation. It was really hard for me to put on the face that I did, because I felt fake and I had the extreme sensation that I was lying to everyone without ever uttering a word. I never want to seem fake, or fickle and I feel like I must apologize because it isn't fair to those I care for. Nate, it probably wasn't your intention, but I'm glad you called me out on it.

I'm always amazed by Amy because she can just come right out and say what's wrong, and I tend to just dance around the issue. The tango continues, I'm not going to come right out and say what was wrong, but I'm sure by deductive reasoning... most will figure it out on their own. So many things went wrong this weekend, I'm sure whatever your conclusion is... it's probably got SOMETHING to do with why I was goofy. Class is starting now, cheers!

Abortion

2007-02-22T15:25:00.000-06:00

Is it really a choice? Does a mother really have any say in whether or not their child is "allowed" to come into this world? Can she make the call whether or not her baby makes it through third trimester? When does it become a baby? When does the change occur from simply an entity existing inside of you to a human being? When does the soul take root? Can an unborn child feel pain? What about when it is simply a fertilized ovarian egg trying to attach itself to the uterine wall, is it a baby then? What about when it attaches itself? How about when the doctors reach in and dismember it piece by piece? How about when it is partially birthed and then victim to it's neck being snapped? Is it a baby then? First week, second week? What about third month? Is it a baby then? Who makes that call?!

How about during the first 7 weeks of pregnancy? You then may take Misoprostol tablets, which are given orally or inserted vaginally. The misoprostol will start contractions and expel the fetus. This may occur within a few hours or up to a few days.

How about the first 7-9 weeks of pregnancy? You may take RU-486 to extract the fetus at this stage. A physical exam is given to determine if you are eligible for this medical abortion procedure. It is given orally during your first office visit. Mifepristone blocks progesterone from the uterine lining, causing the fetus to die. This alone, may cause contractions to expel the fetus. Misoprostol tablets are given orally or inserted vaginally during the second office visit which occurs 36 to 48 hours later. You will return home where the misoprostol will start contractions and expel the fetus. This may occur within a few hours or in some cases up to two weeks after taking the misoprostol.

How about after 6 to 12 weeks of pregnancy? Your abortion provider can give you pain medication and misoprostol in preparation for this particular procedure. A local anesthetic is administered to your cervix. Then a tenaculum is used to hold the cervix in place for the cervix to be dilated by cone shaped rods. When the cervix is wide enough, a cannula, which is a long plastic tube connected to a suction device, is inserted into the uterus to suction out the fetus and placenta. The procedure usually lasts 10-15 minutes, but recovery may require staying at the clinic for a few hours.

How about 12 to 15 weeks into the pregnancy? A curette is a long, looped shaped knife that they can use to scrape the lining, placenta and fetus away from the uterus. A cannula may be inserted for a final suctioning. This procedure usually lasts 10 minutes with a possible stay of 5 hours. Not too bad, right?

How about 15 to 21 weeks into the pregnancy? Your friendly abortion provider can insert laminaria or a synthetic dilator inside your cervix. When the procedure begins the next day, your abortion provider will clamp a tenaculum to the cervix to keep the uterus in place and cone-shaped rods of increasing size are used to continue the dilation process. The cannula is inserted to begin removing tissue away from the lining. Then using a curette, the lining is scraped to remove any residuals. If needed, forceps may be used to remove larger parts. The last step is usually a final suctioning to make sure the contents are completely removed. The procedure normally takes about 30 minutes. The fetal remains are usually examined to ensure everything was removed and that the abortion was complete because you wouldn't want any part of said fetus left behind right?

How about 21 weeks into your pregnancy? This procedure is also known as D & X, Intact D & X, Intrauterine Cranial Decompression and Partial Birth Abortion. Laminaria is inserted vaginally to dilate the cervix. Your water should break on the third day and then you can return to the clinic. The fetus is rotated and forceps are used to grasp and pull the legs, shoulders and arms through the birth canal. A small incision is made at the base of the skull to allow a suction catheter inside. The catheter removes the cerebral material until the skull collapses. Then the fetus is completely removed.

So many options... where do I start?

Please pray. I ask that you pray for all the unborn who cannot beg for their own lives. I ask that you pray for the strength of the mothers who bare them. As we enter into this Holy season of Lent and prepare for Christ, that you also remember His children.

Writing the Self: Back to School

2007-02-13T17:29:00.000-06:00

So in English we have to write a paper called "On the Self." It's really weird because we can't make any judgements... it just has to be straight forward action. Like you were living it. It was supposed to be about an event that makes us who we are. So I chose the day back to school after I had been out a week due to the death of my father. I don't like it... but this is what I've got. If you've got any suggestions I'm always open, it sounds like something I would write in High School. Oh, and it could only be two pages long. Lame. But here it is for your reading pleasure! Cheers!

* * * * * *

It was 8:20 AM as I entered the school through the side door. My footsteps echoed through the entire hallway, making everyone stare at me. I was sorry that I had worn heels that day. The clang jumped from the lockers, to the ceiling, to the floor and I just wanted to catch it to make it stop, but it was much too fast for me. Everyone else in the busy high school hallway was so quiet. How had they learned to walk so softly?

I reached my locker and opened it slowly, hoping nobody would take any great notice. I wished I could walk on through it and close the door behind me. I wouldn’t fit; there was space for my bag and a coat, but nothing else. There was a card sitting in on the top shelf, wrapped in a pink envelope with my name written neatly on it. I didn’t feel the need to open it because I already knew what it was going to say, I had already gotten about a hundred just like it. The warning bell rang.

Perhaps it was the fact that I was content with just observing that day and not becoming a part of it, or perhaps it was because throughout it all I had the conscious desire to mold and form into the wall and remain unseen, but that day went very slowly. It was hard talking with people because they all looked scared that I was going to fall apart at any moment. My friends were trying so hard to act like nothing had happened. I had the overwhelming instinct to comfort them, but I wasn’t sure how. It was a bit ironic.

It was the end of the day before anyone ever mentioned anything outright. However, it was not really expressed in the way that I had wanted it to be expressed. As all the students sat in homeroom at the end of the day, chatting about how glad they were that Monday was over, the intercom went on over head and the room went silent.

“Just a few reminders: girl’s volleyball practice has been moved from the big gym to the middle school gym, and the boy’s basketball practice is cancelled. We would also like to extend a special prayer to Jennifer Lunneborg and her family. Have a wonderful afternoon!”

My face began to burn up as I felt all eyes turn on me. In that moment I felt so alone, even though there were about 30 other people in that room with me. For the last two minutes of class before the bell rang we all sat through an incredibly grueling silence, like a courtroom right before the jury gives their verdict. I was on trial, the jury was out. When the bell finally toned the end of the day, I got out of there as quick as possible. I rushed to my locker to grab my things. I just wanted this day to be over with, I could cross it off my to-do list, “Get through school day” and move onto the next bulleted item.

As I was about to leave I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see Eric. He and I had never gotten along. We were always at each other’s throats in and out of class.

"I’m sorry for your loss, Jen. It must be hard losing a father.” He said.

He then walked away, leaving me stunned. The action was surprising and it amazed me that he would be the one to finally break the overall silence. It was oddly comforting.

I suppose in the whole scheme of things the day wasn’t so bad, and now it’s over and I survived. It was 3:30 PM and I was heading home.

Apparently Grumpy

2007-02-12T10:57:00.000-06:00

So apparently I'm in a constant state of grump. Unfortunately I'm not nearly as cute as little puppy above when I get grumpy. Something just set me off and I've been in a bad mood ever since. Lame. It could be a number of things, I'm not going to go into all of them but last week was all over the board. It had it's up and downs and has left me grumpy. Bad form.

Kelsey and I replaced Brody. We lied about the size of our bowl so we could get a goldfish. He's black with a little yellow belly and bug-eyes. His name is Quint. He's survived a whole week now so we're getting pretty confident. It was such a relief, the morning after we brought him home, to see him still swimming around. Try two has been a success so far!

This week is going to be crazy... I've got play rehearsals every evening (except for Tuesday) from 6:30 until 10:30. Five classes is a lot to fit into a schedule. Plus every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I work out with Michael and Joe from 4:00-5:00pm, I've got my Spanish tutor on Thursday, costume fitting on Tuesday along with a house meeting, I've got adoration at 2:00-3:00 am (that's right... AM) on Wednesday, it's Dinner Night this Friday and I'm house-sitting this weekend along with work and homework. I feel like Amy ;) . Hopefully all that moving will make it go by quickly because I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Oh man, it's Monday and I'm already anticipating the end of the week. That is never a good sign.

That's the theme of the week I think. Time. I was just having a conversation last night about time and how it works, in regards to God verses creation. It's interesting that God refers to Himself as "I am that I am" to Moses. It sort of suggests that immutable nature that is so confusing to me. Not confusing, that was a poor statement... more eye-boggling than anything. Time is a creature itself... so God exists in a constant state of being. He is. I want to be. I wouldn't have to worry about the test, paper, composiciones or personal life trouble that seems to ecompass me at the moment, it would all be happening simultaneously. Yes! That would be a lot of emotion crammed into one eternal moment... moment? Whatever, the english language is terrible when you try to describe things "outside of the box." I'll probably end up just posting the paper I wrote on it so... to be continued.

PS Nate, the movie was called Flicka.

"All the World's A Stage"

2007-02-07T14:44:00.000-06:00

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Minneapolis market:

"Minnetonka Barbie" This princess Barbie is sold only at the Galleria. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey
and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Woodbury Barbie" The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily, is always late and has no full-time occupation or goals. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Lake Street Barbie" This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Edina Barbie" This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you won't be able to afford any of them.

"Iron Range Barbie" This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud
light and a Hank Williams Jr. cd set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk (or sober). Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Bemidji Barbie" This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Iron Range Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Uptown Barbie" This doll is made of actual tofu. She's stinky and has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Uptown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"South St. Paul Barbie" This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant (try looking in Chicago).

"Dinky town Barbie/Ken" This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

* * * * * *

Haha... they made me giggle. Anyway...

Play rehearsals have finally commenced and I'm so excited to finally be in a production. Granted, I'm an extremely small part but I really am just glad to finally be doing what I love again. The play is called "Our Town." It's written by Thorton Wilder and set in 1901. Premise of the story?

Boy meets girl.

Girl meets boy.

Boy and girl like each other.

Boy and girl marry each other.

Girl dies.

Boy cries.

And there was much rejoicing...

It's an interesting piece of work anyway and if any of you have time to waste on your hands, it would be great to see you. I get a certain number of free seats and then after that it's $5 bucks for tickets. But come on, is money really a question when you're talking about spending good quality with me? The answer you should ALL be thinking is, "Well no actually, it's not." ;)

Performance Dates and Times
Thursday, March 8th @ 7:00 pm
Friday, March 9th @ 7:00 pm
Saturday, March 10th @ 7:00 pm
Sunday, March 11th @ 2:00 pm

I can hang out after all of them except Sunday because I'll have a flight I have to catch as soon as strike is over. It should be an interesting play. I don't know if I'm a fan yet but it is definitely one that makes you think. If you're not a fan, I won't be crushed if you don't come. I might hunt you down later though.

As far as my week goes. Monday was fun. Joe, Michael and I played racquetball. I found out Michael can't do handstands, Joe can't do backward somersaults, and I can't escape a racquetball that's hell-bent to catch me as it bounces off the walls. It was also (as I have said) my first play meeting, it was nice to meet the entire cast. We're a crazy bunch, it should a really fun time. I got out of practice a lot earlier than I thought so Adam came over around 9:30 after his class. We ate pizza, watched the cream of the crop in terms of comedy on tv, and just chatted about everything and anything. Tuesday Kelsey and I went to buy our pet. A goldfish! Turns out the bowl we had isn't big enough for a goldfish so we had to get a Beta fish. We named him Chief Brody (Brody for short) and got a nice little set-up going on for him. This morning we woke up and he was dead, bless his little fishy soul. We had a little ceremonial funeral for him and sent him back to Davy Jones via porcelain express. Tonight we're going to get a new Chief Brody. We'll master this whole pet thing eventually I'm sure... it just takes a little bit of time. Other than that life is life and I'm content with that.

God bless
Jen

Jen Quote:

"Did you know that Anne Frank had a tree house in her backyard?" Me
"No." Callie and Tim
"Neither did she!" Me
awkward silence
"Dang it! I mean Helen Keller!" Me

Solution!

2007-02-05T11:00:00.000-06:00

"You'll blame a new love for things an old one did."

Guys I've figured it out! The reason I think this is such a big deal, and you all don't is because I hate being vulnerable. That sounds really goofy and funny... and a bit like 7th grade... but that's what it is. You all have noticed that I'm really closed about a lot of my personal life compared to you... and that's why this is such a big deal. I hate the thought of someone being able to effect me inwardly. After everything that has happened, I don't ever want someone to beable to have a grasp on my emotional stability again. It's a horrible feeling to be controlled in that way, especially when it's used so brutally. That's why I keep most things in.

I guess that's really nothing new but it makes sense to me and I'm glad I can finally pin point what exactly I'm having such a hard time with. It doesn't have anything to do with who I'm interested in or not, it's just the general fact that I have a really hard time offering my whole self to people, everyone's noticed that. Eurica! I win! I've also posted a really nice quote that sort of ecompasses my dilema on A Light in the Shadows. CS Lewis is amazing!

In other news: my classes are awesome! I couldn't be happier with them. Spanish will prove interesting but nothing I can't handle I'm sure. Medieval Philosophy and Ethics are amazing. Theology is really interesting and English... well it's writing and I love to write. The superbowl was unfortunate... next times Bears... next time, but I can't be mad it was a good game... sort of. Prince was extremely awkward and weird but atleast it wasn't Janet Jackson. Homework sucks. Work is meh. Friends are lovely. Nate's songs are awesome and I like sour cream (newly found fact). Cheers to all!

God bless
Jen

Relationship Advice

2007-01-23T09:42:00.000-06:00

Okay, I found this hilarious. I'm not bitter about relationships or anything so don't read into this... just enjoy it for it's comic truth. Cheers!

GIVE HER ONE OF YOUR T-SHIRTS TO SLEEP IN.
ya sure, "here honey i was sweating in this all night tonight while playing basketball with the guys instead of being with you... sleep in THIS!"

LEAVE HER CUTE TEXT NOTES
Wonderful so i can expect buzzing noises erupting from my purse every 1.5 minutes saying things like, lolz ur so funy cnt w8t 2 cu u r btiful!!

♥KISS HER IN FR0NT 0F Y0UR FRIENDS.♥
Let alll your friends know that you kiss like a vaccuum!!

TRUST HER 0VER EVERY0NE ELSE.
Sure, trust her till she takes all your shit and money and you are left heart broken and...broke...

TELL HER SHE L00KS BEAUTIFUL.
or why dont you just say, "Hey you want some lets do it?"

L00K HER IN THE EYE WHEN Y0U TALK T0 HER.
Which might be hard with that lazy eye you got goin there!

LET HER MESS WITH Y0UR HAIR.
Hehe i play with my boyfriends greasy gross over gelled hair arent i cute! hehehehe

MESS WITH HER HAIR.
Touch my hair and i will KILL you!

JUST WALK AR0UND WITH HER.
Oh how exciting! i could be stabing my self with a dull blade but no im walking around in circles!

F0RGIVE HER F0R HER MISTAKES.
I'm sorry i cheated on you 5 times, i wont do it again!

L00K AT HER LIKE SHE'S THE 0NLY GIRL Y0U SEE.
Shes so fat she IS the only girl you see cause you cant see around her!

TICKLE HER EVEN WHEN SHE SAYS ST0P.
That is called SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!!!

H0LD HER HAND EVEN WHEN Y0U ARE AROUND Y0UR FRIENDS.
Hey guys, im a freak that doesnt know what personal space is, i used to do this to my mom when i was 5 all the time!

WHEN SHE STARTS SWEARING AT Y0U TELL HER Y0U L0VE HER.
you will most likely be shot!

LET HER FALL ASLEEP IN Y0UR ARMS
Sure so you can have this romantic moment while my neck is breaking over your boney elbow!

GET HER MAD, THEN KISS HER.
Now this is probably the DUMBEST thing i have ever seen... Hey honey you actually DO look fat in those jeans..maaahhhhh.....Are you THAT retarded???

TEASE HER & LET HER TEASE Y0U BACK.
Thats right lets get some verbal abuse going, what a wonderful thing to strengthen a relationship. Thats what i call a relationSHIT

STAY UP WITH HER ALL NIGHT WHEN SHES SICK.
I would love it if my boyfriend saw me in gigantic sweatpants with a running nose and puffed eyes vomiting in a toilet, when i make it and staying up with me ALL NIGHT as a im trying to sleep!

WATCH HER FAV0RITE M0VIE WITH HER
Oh sure put yourself through 2 hours of utter TORTURE then stress yourself out and get into one of your cute "verbal abuse sessions!"

KISS HER F0REHEAD.
What you cant get to her lips you pansy!!!

GIVE HER THE W0RLD.
Hi honey i thought that instead of a gift this valentines day, I'd give you a metaphor...hope you like it!

WRITE HER LETTERS.
Give me money!

LET HER WEAR Y0UR CL0THES
You want her to look like a man?

WHEN SHES SAD, HANG 0UT WITH HER.
Oh sure lets "hang out" before your grandmothers funeral, maybe see a movie or make out? feel better baby?

LET HER KN0W SHE'S IMP0RTANT.
No, dont do that, that is an AWFUL idea, instead continue to have your cute verbal abuse sessions, give her your clothes to tell her she dresses horribly, and then dont leave her alone while shes vomiting...wonderful!

LET HER TAKE ALL THE PH0T0S 0F Y0U SHE WANTS.
You have now given me permission to take pictures of you on the toilet...just fyi!

KISS HER IN THE RAIN.
Here honey lets go outside in the thunderstorm so we can catch pneumonia and also catch some falling branches! itll be cute!

AND WHEN Y0U FALL IN L0VE WITH HER, TELL HER.
But be sure to tell the LAST girl you were with that you dont love her anymore FIRST or you could have some very awkward and dangerous situations ahead of you!

AND WHEN Y0U D0 TELL HER. L0VE HER LIKE Y0U NEVER L0VED BEF0RE.
Or just switch it up a bit from the last chick, like take the sexual harrassment down a notch so it actually LOOKS like tickeling!

Guys do not read bulletins to get good dating advice...go watch a Chuck Norris flick for that!

I love Erin!

** NEW**

Watch this! Just click on it and watch!

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1708761624

Oh Confusion

2007-01-22T13:44:00.000-06:00

There's a picture of me on facebook right now that really exemplifies what I'm feeling right now... there it is. Confused.

It's not a bad confused by any means, just confused. Amy was talking last night about being honest, so here we go with honesty... and I really hope this doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. This is what has been on my mind this past week.

As many of you have come to see, Jake and I do not get along very well anymore. We are constantly at each other's throats and it's just not a happy situation the majority of the time. The problem was I hated leaving loose ends and whenever I tried to break our close friendship up, I always felt like I left something unsaid. It annoyed the crap out of me to think that I could have said more and didn't so I would continuously go back and make up some excuse for why we could still maintain our incredibly close relationship. It ended being emotionally draining for me and extremely hypocritical... plus it made me feel really stupid. We dated on and off for close to five years so it was really difficult for me to end such a lasting friendship. However, we both decided that we were going our separate ways and it was in our best interests to distance ourselves from each other... which I am perfectly fine with. And it took until very recently for me to finally be satisfied with our goodbyes. I've learned a lot about myself in the process and a great deal more about the inner strength of mind and will power.

Now though, I find myself facing a knew problem. After finally letting go of Jake, new spaces emptied in my heart and I realized that someone had been pulling at my heart strings and I didn't even notice. I've been feeling really giddy lately and I couldn't put my finger on the cause until a couple of days ago, and now that I've figured it out I'm both incredibly embarrassed... and incredibly confused. I set a goal of not dating for a year and yet at this moment I would be completely willing to compromise that personal goal for this person. Granted... I only have three more months left (not that I've been counting). Even though a certain set of circumstances will never allow me to date this person, I'm finding that I think about the possibility of it all happening quite frequently. It's like I'm picking the petals off a daisy saying to myself, "Date... don't date... date... don't date." I have an overwhelming urge to get to know him better because I find him fascinating for some odd reason and extremely intelligent... which I find very attractive. He's a genuinely nice guy, which is new for me and he's really funny. But he's not at all the stereotypical "Jen" guy which only adds to my confusion. Bloody hell.

So here I sit, contemplating my weird female brain, wondering if God is rolling on the ground laughing at my predicament. He probably is, I laugh about it a lot. Help me understand. The inner workings of the feminine mind continues to mystify me because, it seems, it's always out to make our lives as complicated as possible. Apparently, we don't like to be bored. Whatever, I don't even like jelly.

Schools about to start, classes and play rehearsals and papers are about to start occupying most of my time. Hopefully that'll knock some serious sense into me. We'll see. Sorry about the rambling... but it had to come out. Cheers!

God bless

Jen

Random Facts... it's funny

2007-01-15T21:25:00.000-06:00

#1 - A Goldfish's attention span is three seconds.
#2 - Animals that lay eggs don't have belly buttons.
#3 - Beavers can hold their breathe for 45 minutes under water.
#4 - Slugs have 4 noses.
#5 - Camels have 3 eyelids.
#6 - A honey bee can fly at 15mph.
#7 - A queen bee can lay 800-1500 eggs per day.
#8 - A bee has 5 eyes.
#9 - The average speed of a housefly is 4.5 mph.
#10 - Mosquitoes are attracted to people who just ate bananas.
#11 - Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp.
#12 - Emus and Kangaroos cannot walk backward.
#13 - Cats have over 100 vocal chords.
#14 - Camel's milk does not curdle.
#15 - All porcupines float in water.
#16 - The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
#17 - A hummingbird weighs less then a penny.
#18 - A jellyfish is 95% water.
#19 - Children grow faster in the spring.
#20 - Broccoli is the only vegetable that is also a flower.
#21 - Almonds are part of the peach family.
#22 - Alaska has the highest percentage of people who walk to work.
#23 - The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile national monument.
#24 - The state of Maine has 62 lighthouses.
#25 - The only food that does not spoil is honey.
#26 - The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters.
#27 - A ball of glass will bounce higher then a ball of rubber.
#28 - Chewing gum while peeling onions will prevent you from crying.
#29 - On average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.
#30 - Fish have eyelids.
#31 - The average human will eat an average of 8 spiders while sleeping.
#32 - There is one million ants to every human in the world.
#33 - Termites eat through wood two times faster when listening to rock music!.
#34 - If you keep a goldfish in a dark room it will eventually turn white.
#35 - Elephants only sleep 2 hours a day.
#36 - A duck's quack doesn't echo.
#37 - A snail breathes through its foot.
#38 - Fish cough.
#39 - An ant's smell is stronger then a dog's.
#40 - It is possible to lead a cow up stairs but not down.
#41 - Shrimp can only swim backward.
#42 - Frogs cannot swallow with their eyes open.
#43 - A cat's lower jaw cannot move sideways.
#44 - The bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps.
#45 - Elephants are capable of swimming 20 miles per day.
#46 - Elephants are the only mammal that cannot jump.
#47 - Giraffes have no vocal chords.
#48 - Cats can hear ultrasound.
#49 - Despite its hump...camels has a straight spine.

#50 - Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
#51 - There is 63,360 inches in a mile.
#52 - 11% of people in the world are left-handed.
#53 - The average women consumes 6lbs of lipstick in her lifetime.
#54 - The average smell weighs 760 nanograms.
#55 - A human brain weighs about 3lbs.
#56 - 1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.
#57 - You blink over 10,000,000 times a year.
#58 - A sneeze travels out of your nose at 100mph.
#59 - Brain waves can be used to power an electric train.
#60 - The tongue is the fastest healing part of the body.
#61 - Pigs get sunburn.
#62 - The lifespan of a taste bud is 10 days.
#63 - The average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime.
#64 - Strawberries contain more Vitamin C then oranges.
#65 - A one-day weather forecast requires about 10 billion math calculations.
#66 - Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza a day.
#67 - There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal cracker zoo.
#68 - The longest one syllable word is "screeched".
#69 - No word in the English language rhymes with month.
#70 - A "jiffy" is actually 1/100 of a second.
#71 - There is a town called "Big Ugly" in West Virginia.
#72 - The average person uses 150 gallons of water per day for personal use.
#73 - The average person spends 2 weeks of its life waiting for a traffic light to change.
#74 - You share your birthday with 9 million others in the world.
#75 - The average person makes 1,140 phone calls per year.
#76 - The average person spends 2 years on the phone in his/her lifetime.
#77 - No piece of paper can be folded more then 7 times.
#78 - Alaska is the most eastern and western state in the US.
#79 - There are 119 grooves on the edge of a quarter.
#80 - About 18% of Animal owners share their bed with their pet.
#81 - Alaska has more caribou then people.
#82 - August has the highest percent of births.
#83 - Googol is a number (1 followed by 100 zeros)
#84 - Oysters can change genders back and forth.
#85 - The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
#86 - Until the 19th century solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia.
#87 - A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same distance.
#88 - A ten gallon hat holds less then one gallon of liquid.
#89 - The average American walks 18,000 steps a day.
#90 - The average raindrop falls at 7mph.
#91 - There are more telephones than people in Washington D.C..
#92 - Fish can drown.
#93 - A Kangaroo can jump 30 feet.
#94 - Lizards communicate by doing push-ups.
#95 - Squids can have eyeballs the size of volleyballs.
#96 - The average American will eat 35,000 cookies in his/her lifetime.
#97 - A turkey can run at 20mph.
#98 - When the moon is directly over you, you weigh less.
#99 - You burn 20 calories an hour chewing gum.
#100 - In a year, the average person walks 4 miles making their bed.

#101 - About half of all Americans are on a diet at any given time.
#102 - A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.
#103 - Frowning burns more calories then smiling.
#104 - There are more then 30,000 diets on public record.
#105 - You will burn 7% more calories walking on hard dirt then pavement.
#106 - You way less at the top of a mountain then sea level.
#107 - You burn more calories sleeping then watching TV.
#108 - Licking a stamp burns 10 calories.
#109 - Smelling apples and/or bananas can help you lose weight.
#110 - Frogs never drink. #111 - Only male turkeys gobble.
#112 - At birth, a dalmatian is always pure white.
#113 - The fastest recorded speed of a racehorse was over 43 mph.
#114 - The oldest known animal was a tortoise, which lived to be 152 years old.
#115 - .
#116 - The largest fish is the whale shark - It can be over 50 feet long and weigh 2 tons.
#117 - The starfish is the only animal that can turn it's stomach inside out.
#118 - Honeybees are the only insects that create a form of food for humans.
#119 - The hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards.
#120 - The only continent without native reptiles or snakes is Antarctica.
#121 - The only bird that can swim and not fly is a penguin.
#122 - A duck can't walk without bobbing its head.
#123 - Beavers were once the size of bears.
#124 - Seals sleep only one and a half minutes at a time.
#125 - Pigeons have been trained by the U.S. Coast Guard to spot people lost at sea.
#126 - A pigeon's feathers are heavier than its bones.
#127 - A hummingbird's heart beats 1,400 times a minute.
#128 - Dragonflies have six legs but can't walk.
#129 - Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
#130 - Koalas and humans are the only animals with unique fingerprints.
#131 - Penguins have an organ above their eyes that converts seawater to fresh water.
#132 - A crocodile cannot move its tongue.
#133 - Honeybees navigate by using the sun as a compass.
#134 - An ant can lift 50 times its own weight.
#135 - A single coffee tree produces only about a pound of coffee beans per year.
#136 - Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
#137 - The city of Los Angeles has three times more automobiles than people.
#138 - Hawaii is the only U.S. state that grows coffee.
#139 - Hawaii is the only state with one school district.
#140 - Holland is the only country with a national dog.
#141 - The square dance is the official dance of the state of Washington.
#142 - Hawaii is the only U.S. state never to report a temperature of zero degrees F or below.
#143 - "Q" is the only letter in the alphabet not appearing in the name of any U.S. state.
#144 - Texas is the only state that permits residents to cast absentee ballots from space.
#145 - Lake Superior is the world's largest lake.
#146 - The smallest county in America is New York County, better known as Manhattan.
#147 - Panama is the only place in the world where you can see the sun rise on the Pacific and set on the Atlantic.
#148 - The tallest man was 8 ft. 11 in.
#149 - Theodore Roosevelt was the only president who was blind in one eye.

#150 - The first sport to be filmed was boxing in 1894.
#151 - The fastest served ball in tennis was clocked at 154 mph in 1963.
#152 - In 1985, the fastest bicyclist was clocked at 154 mph.
#153 - The speed limit in NYC was 8 mph in 1895.
#154 - Americans spend more than $630 million a year on golf balls.
#155 - In 1926, the first outdoor mini-golf courses were built on rooftops in NYC.
#156 - Swimming pools in the U.S. contain enough water to cover San Francisco.
#157 - The first TV soap opera debuted in 1946.
#158 - The first MTV video was "Video Killed the Radio Star," by the Buggles.
#159 - The first TV show ever to be put into reruns was "The Lone Ranger."
#160 - One alternative title that had been considered for NBC's hit "Friends" was "Insomnia Cafe".
#161 - The first TV networks kids show in the US was "Captain Kangaroo."
#162 - The temperature of the sun can reach up to 15 million degrees fahrenheit.
#163 - The first penny had the motto "Mind your own business".
#164 - The first vacuum was so large, it was brought to a house by horses.
#165 - Panama is the only place in the world where you can see the sun rise.
#166 - Before mercury, brandy was used to fill thermometers.
#167 - You have to play ping-pong for 12 hours to lose one pound.
#168 - One brow wrinkle is the result of 200,000 frowns.
#169 - The first human-made object to break the sound barrier was a whip.
#170 - In 1878, the first telephone book ever issued contained only 50 names.
#171 - The most sensitive parts of the body are the mouth and fingertips.
#172 - The eye makes movements 50 times every second.
#173 - Chinese is the most spoken language in the world.
#174 - The world's biggest pyramid is not in Egypt, but in Mexico.
#175 - In 1634, tulip bulbs were a form of currency in Holland.
#176 - The first bike was called a hobbyhorse.
#177 - The first sailing boats were built in Egypt.
#178 - The first ballpoint pens were sold in 1945 for $12.00.
#179 - The first lighthouse to use electricity was the Statue of Liberty in 1886.
#180 - The first VCR was made in 1956 and was the size of a piano.
#181 - The first jukebox was located in San Francisco in 1899.
#182 - A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon.
#183 - The Capitol building in Washington DC has 365 steps to represent every day of the year.
#184 - The most used letters in the English language are E, T, A, O, I and N.
#185 - A male kangaroo is called a Boomer.
#186 - A female kangaroo is called a flyer.
#187 - There are over 61,000 pizzerias in the U.S.
#188 - Antarctica is the driest, coldest, windiest and highest continent on earth.
#189 - The Sahara Desert stretches father than the distance from California to New York.
#190 - Thailand means "Land of the Free".
#191 - Popcorn was invented by the American Indians.
#192 - Jupiter spins so fast that there is a new sunrise nearly every ten hours.
#193 - The year that read the same upside down was 1961. That won't happen again until 6009.
#194 - You don't have to be a lawyer to be a Supreme Court Justice.
#195 - Eleven of the fifty states are named after an actual person.
#196 - If you doubled one penny every day for 30 days, you would have $5,368,709.
#197 - The first person crossed Niagra Falls by tightrope in 1859.
#198 - The US is the largest country names after an actual person (Amerigo Vespucci).
#199 - The largest cheese ever-made weighed 57,508 lbs.
#200 - The first country to use postcards was Austria.

Update!

2007-01-08T14:34:00.000-06:00

And I'm back!

Evidently people want an update. Not a whole lot has happened since school got out. I'm just waiting for it to start up again.

The Christmas Party was fantastic. Bravo to Amy and Natrop for putting it all together! I had a wonderful time and from what I've heard, everyone else enjoyed it as well. The food was amazing! The company was great and overall, I had a really great time.

New Years went well. 2007 is sure to be an interesting year to say the least. I'm looking forward to the surprises I'm sure await me. Judging from how much has changed from last New Years, this one is sure to be a hoot and then some. Atleast life isn't boring, right? Keeps you on your toes.

That's about all I have to say for right now. Don't worry, my next one will be more informative. I've got a lot to say, I'm just not sure how to say it yet but it's a very sensitive subject. Hooray for awkward! I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday!

Cheeriop!

I Feel So Utterly Disgusted

2006-12-19T16:34:00.000-06:00

One of the things that really makes me sad is friends who disappoint. Sometimes it's just once in awhile, and that's bound to happen. There's no helping that. However, there are always those few habitual ones. Often they fall into the category of "flaky" or "arrogant" or "selfish" and sometimes, if you're really lucky, the fall into all three categories and you're left dumbfounded at how they ever impressed you. I'm sure that at multiple points in my life, I've disappointed someone that means a lot to me. I try to learn from my mistake each time but I have no doubt that I will continue to make mistakes. What drives me mad is people who simply refuse to learn.

Some simply decide to convince themselves that they are the best they can possibly be and whoever thinks otherwise is simply off their rocker. I find this to be an incredible weakness. I don't consider it a strength to say, "I know all that there is to know." I consider it to be fear, fear that perhaps, there is something unknown to you. But that's what it is all about. Learning. Setting goals, accomplishing them, and then realizing that you can still be better. What an amazing gift life is.

I have recently been disappointed. I can't believe the overwhelming feeling of annoyance I have within me. Where I thought they would persevere, they fell, and when I thought they would struggle to pick themselves up again, they simply cowered on the ground waiting for it to be all over. How do you respect that? How can you trust that sort of weakness? I pity them and I am sorry for them.

I will always pray. Everyday I ask for God to give strength to the struggling. I ask Him to shelter those who have no where to go. I ask Him to love those who only feel pain. But God will not fix it for you. The only person who can fix it is you. So do it.

Ode to Finals Week

2006-12-11T11:37:00.000-06:00

Well here it is... the final stretch... the closing of the semester. Here I am on "Study Monday" doing what? Not studying! To my credit, I've been THINKING about studying... I just haven't gotten that far yet. Whoops. I'm sure I'll begin eventually, I've just got a lot going on right now, studying is probably one of the last things on my mind. Oh well.

Weekend racap? Well alright then!

Friday didn't start out too hot. But I'll probably end up talking about that at a later date when I'm more comfortable about the situation. However, Friday was the Immaculate Conception, a holy day of obligation for us Catholics, so off I went to the St. Paul Cathedral with Joe, Michael and Nate (not Crist). I love the Cathedral, it is so beautiful, and now they've got all the Christmas decorations up. It's wonderful.

Afterwards we picked up Michael's friend, Cara, and headed off to Mall of America. There we proceeded to find a restaraunt that didn't have a wait of 60 plus minutes because we were all starving and the Gingerbread house... out of reach. There's no eating that sucker. We finally found one... Ruby Tuesday's, I think. That was a lot of fun. I lost money though. I bet Michael the waitress wouldn't give me a lime in my water. For those who know me, I always order a water with lime, I just like it better than a lemon... however I almost never get a lime. I normally get a lemon. So Michael said he bet that I would get a lime this time. I said, "Fine, I'll bet you a buck."Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! The waitress came to get our drinks, and at my turn I said, "Can I have a water with lime, please?" Like I always do. "Lime?" she asks. Bet lost. Then, Michael ordered the Collosal Burger. Holy cow that thing could crush a baby. The hamburger patties were 1/2 a pound... and there were TWO of them. It was held together by a giant steak knife shoved into the center of it. Yeah, it was huge. "Double or nothing, you can't finish that." I whispered. Dang it! He finished it, FASTER than the rest of us ate our normal sized burgers. Good job Jen, I bet against the guy who apparently doesn't HAVE a stomach. It just slides right on through.

After that we went to the move Deja Vu. Fantastic. Blew my mind. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to watch a good movie.

Saturday, I worked and then I went over to Adam's house. I got to play Don't Break the Ice with Amy, Mike, and Kara. Ending score, Kara lost three, Amy lost one, Mike lost one and I lost one. Woe is Kara ;). Then Nate joined thinking he knew all the stops. No my friend no. It was fun. I stopped playing, Amy went to Anna's and I then found Adam trying to fix his battery thing by slamming it with full force on the ground. Funny thing is, it eventually worked. Boys. The rest of the night was Spiderman and just hanging around. Nate tried to bring Adam over to the Libertarian side with a "Are you Libertarian?" quiz that had the most generic questions I've ever seen such as... Should there be law regarding who you can have sex with? What?! We found out though, Adam is conservative. Surprise, surprise. I also discovered a very interesting secret. That bed... the one in the corner of his basement. AMAZING. It was so comortable. I fell asleep. I guess that doesn't really say anything because I fall asleep at Adam's house on a regular basis. Not because it's boring, because his couch is really comfortable to me. Apparently I'm the only one who thinks so. Ridiculous.

Sunday, work, and then I went with my family to pick out the Christmas tree. It's huge! I didn't realize our ceilings were that high. I went back home around 8:30pm, went to Ireland hall basement and watched "It's a Wonderful Life" with a bunch of my friends. It was a nice end to the weekend. That movie is a great holiday movie.

Now I am here, not doing my studying. Boo on me. Well I'm off. Cheers to everyone!

God bless,
Jen

79 Recommendations

2006-12-06T18:34:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure how many of you actually follow current events, but the Iraq Study Group released it's 1oo page warning that, "the situation in Iraq is grave and deteriorating." The basic idea of the report was that there really is no sure-fire road to success in the Middle East, but that the situation can be improved. This improvement included 79 recommendations that included settlements on a much broader scale than just dealing with Iraq.

Militarily, the goal is to withdraw most US combat forces within the next 12-18 months. The remaining troops will be left to embed into the Iraqi forcers, training and advising. The US is to "ramp up" responsibility of the Iraqi government and military for their security so the US can reduce the economic and military assistance it has offered.

The recommendations stressed the US should begin a strong diplomatic offensive to keep Iraq, and perhaps the countries surrounding, from falling into a chaotic state, which could certainly be suggested as the foreseen outcome at this point. One clear rebuke of the Bush administration's policies is the recommended peace conference with Iran and Syria. Bush, thus far, has said that he has no intention of holding such a conference.

US should engage Iran and Syria constructively, given their ability to influence events within Iraq. Iran should stem the flow of arms and training to Iraq, respect Iraq's sovereignty and territorial integrity and use its influence over Iraqi Shia groups to encourage national reconciliation. The issue of Iran's nuclear program should continue to be dealt with by the permanent members of the UN Security Council plus Germany. Syria should control its border with Iraq to stem the flow of funding, insurgents and terrorists in and out of Iraq.

Another item that was stressed was peace between Palestine and Israel. The report linked the conflict between the two with a possible peace in Iraq. The US was advised to develop a renewed and sustained commitment to Arab-Israeli peace, on all fronts. Personally, I have to look into that one.

Overall, I say bravo. Although Mr. Bush insists that the US is "winning," the report strongly insists that the current strategy "is not working." I'm really interested in what strategies will actually executed and which ones will fall to the curb. I'm not sure I agree with all of them, but they are all something to ponder none-the-less.

Friendship

2006-12-03T21:28:00.000-06:00

So here's a question... when does it stop becoming "worth it"?

Praise You in this Storm

2006-11-30T13:37:00.000-06:00

I'm a huge fan of this song. Lately it's just been speaking to me. I don't even know. Cheers!

Praise You in This Storm
Casting Crows

I was sure by now, God
You would have reached down and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on if I can't find You?
And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
And will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

* * *

P.S. On bended knee let us pray for Mercedes Helgeson (greatgrandmother) who passed away on Tuesday evening. Let the Lord welcome her with open arms. Amen.

Pukey McPukerson

2006-11-29T09:24:00.000-06:00

So yesterday was awesome. It was storming in the morning. I love rain, would appreciate snow, but rain is good too. Went to work. Did stuff. Took a test. Pretty much kicked its butt. Went to play tryouts, played a crazy drunk dead choir director. Went to the Pit Stop for a smoothy. Some random man offered me pizza... my favorite kind (no it was not shot up with drugs). Went to SHINE, it was fantastic. Talked with Kelsey about the Intermural Wrestling Team and when it was going to start exactly (next semester in case you're wondering). Ran around like a crazy person... and went to bed.

This morning I woke up at 5:30 am and could not, for the life of me, get back to bed. I felt gross and really queezy (sp?). I went to class at 8:15 am and at 8:45 am I was running to the bathroom about to hurl chuckletts. Which I did do. Now I'm off to health services. Curses all around.

God bless
Jen

Life Continues

2006-11-21T09:08:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I would just like to pull the reins of life and trot a little bit. The gallop is much too fast. I need time to breathe and recuperate from last semester. *Breath* Okay! I'm set!

My weekend was fun. On Saturday I went to Jake's Wrestling Tournament at Augsburg University and saw Nick S. and Eric N. I haven't seen them in awhile so that was a lot of fun. The four of us then went to Comedy Sportz, which was being hosted by Tommies After Dark, and let me tell you something... hilarious! Nick was crying (with joy), I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out of my mouth and well, we were all satisfyingly amused. Jake and I missed church on Sunday though, I slept in becuase we had been up all night watching "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" and then being completely freaked out. Jake learned something new: to be "exercised" also means to be the recievant of the exorcism. Yea Jake. I woke up around 11:00pm. Jake and I then headed up to St. John's University for a fantastic play, "Side by Side." Again, hilarious. It had me singing all the way home. I guess if I was singing it wasn't a play... more of a musical really. A montage of a bunch of Sondheim's works. It was really funny.

I registered for classes yesterday. Fantastic for the most part. I got into everything I wanted for next semester. However, I'm on the waiting list for the Statistics I class I want to take over J-Term. Curses, but I can't complain too much. I didn't get to take some of the classes I wanted to because it didn't work out in my schedule but I've got the basics down so no complaints here.

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday:

8:15am-9:20am Phil. 214: Introductory Ethics
9:35am-10:40am Theo. 205: Old Testament
1:35pm-2:40pm Span. 300: Oral and Written Spanish

On Tuesday, and Thursday:

9:55am-11:35am Engl. 300: Theory and Practice of Writing
1:30pm-3:10pm Phil.202: Medieval Philosophy

At this point in time I'm trying to figure out if I can fit another Philosophy course into my day... but I'm not sure that'll work out so well because I have to leave time for me to work. Who does 4 jobs?! Who? Apparently I do.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break and seeing everyone. I love food! Cheers!

God bless
Jen

I Prefer the Term "Debate"

2006-11-16T21:38:00.000-06:00

Since I gave Amy Klobuchar the run around... now we'll move on to Kennedy and find out why I thought he would suit my values a little better than the DFL candidate.

Here we go.

Mark Kennedy

Let's start with civil rights shall we? Mark Kennedy voted yes on Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage in September of 2004. The argument there would be that I am simply denying people their freedoms by pushing my religious views on a person. Nay. It is not wrong because God says so, God says so because it's wrong. It is wrong in a basic three ways.

1. "It threatens the healthy vision of man's greatness."
Any sexual action outside the context of marriage denies the sanctity of the fundamental unitive and procreative principle that is expressed through our physicality. Essentially, we deny that there is a higher good to our humanity other than simply sexual pleasure and satisfaction. If this animalian way of looking at the beauty of the human person does not completely destroy the greatness of man, it certainly jeopardizes it.

"But Jen, of they are married, then they can love each other through the gift of sexuality."

2. "It threatens the healthy obedience to law."
Homosexuality is against the natural makeup of what we are as human beings. Our spiritual nature is directly linked to that of our physical nature. The way we act, dress, speak etc. reflects our spirituality (symmetry of the body). Human beings were created (or our anatomy is such that) to compliment each other. Man completes woman, woman completes man, which is a direct parallel to the Divine Spirit which is both "male and female and beyond both." If you don't want to bring any higher power into this than scratch the last but keep the "man completes woman, woman completes man" phrase. To engage in homosexual action is to deny the complimentary make-up of the sexes and acquiesces to the idea that there is no distinction or law governing human nature. We lose sight of the law and breed a contempt for law in general because we make godheads of ourselves, creating and banning laws as we see fit.

"But Jen, what if they really love each other?"

3. "It threatens the healthy enjoyment of friendship."
It cannot be denied that humans have strong feelings towards other human beings, both male and female. To engage in homosex misdirects these intense emotions to a completely sexual realm and reduces even the best of friends to objects of pleasure rather than friends. Fun huh? It objectifies people, destroys their honor, dignity, thumotic power and happiness. It completely annihilates the honest exchange between equals so vital to man, the "political animal."

"How can it be wrong if it feels right?"

I'm not even going to go there. That's an extremely childish argument in my eyes. Many times in our lives we will find that something may feel right, even if it is not so. I may want to slug my brother due to his sometimes overall annoying nature... but this is not the right course of action to take.

The law should directly reflect human nature.

Mark Kennedy voted yes on protecting the Pledge of Allegiance in September of 2004, and voted for a constitutional amendment prohibiting flag desecration in June of 2003. The flag is an important part of our American society. I understand that we have been given many freedoms as Americans to live our lives to the fullest and to speak freely of our thoughts... however to completely disrespect that country which gave you such freedoms by burning one of it's greatest symbols of that freedom it bestowed, is contradictory to your original intention of bettering the country by challenging its principles. Find a better way to get attention or go to Canada, I bet they treat there citizens loads better.

I am pro-life and I believe that protecting the most vulnerable amongst us has got to be a priority.
-Mark Kennedy

Again, it is not hard to pick up on why Mark Kennedy and I would get along better at a dinner party than Amy Klobuchar and I would. Abortion is one of the main issues on election day that sways my vote. I believe a woman has a choice. A choice to have sex, a choice not to have sex. Rape becomes an extremely delicate subject (obviously) because the woman did not have the choice, it was brutally and violently brought upon her. As the life bearers, women are the ones who have to deal with this complete annihilation of privacy and respect when they become pregnant after such a terrible occurrence. I also believe that a child, one created at conception, is an innocent human being and should be treated as such. It is not an a simple jumble of cells, muscle tissue, blood and guts. There is a beating heart and a tiny human spark of life in each fetus, no matter what trimester a woman may be in.

In April of 2005, Mark Kennedy voted for restricting interstate transport of minors to get abortions. In February of 2004, Mark Kennedy voted for making it a crime to harm a fetus. He also voted against partial-birth abortions (except to save a mother's life) in October of 2003. I can honestly say that when it comes to the child's life or the mother's, I'm not sure where I would stand.

Mark Kennedy is a strong supporter of the Patriot Act... well we can't all be perfect.

A little bit of interesting information about Mark Kennedy, which I had never heard before, in November of 2001, he voted FOR the allowance of school prayer during the War on Terror. I just thought that was sort of interesting.

Mark Kennedy is also against the "No Child Left Behind"... but no one is debating that issue.

These are the reasons I supported Mark Kennedy and strongly opposed Amy Klobuchar. I'm giving facts so that people... cannot accuse me of my opinions lacking base structure. I know who I voted for and why.

Just So We're Clear

2006-11-15T22:13:00.000-06:00

One of my previous posts seems to have aroused a bit of anger. I will admit full heartedly that my rant may have been hitting a little below the belt. So... in light of these circumstances I will try to construct a bit of an outline of the candidate I insulted in my rage. Well one of them anyway.

Amy Klobuchar

There are few reasons why Amy Klobuchar is not my favorite person in the entire world. She and I do not see eye to eye on many issues. One being civil unions. Amy Klobuchar is opposed to a constitutional amendment defining the institution of marriage as that between a man and a women. She thinks such an amendment would be discrimination and infringement on people's rights to live their lives in accordance with America's promise of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

"In Minnesota, we have a provision that defines marriage as between a man a woman, and that's never been seriously challenged. I also believe we need to be fair to people and not discriminate against them."
- Amy Klobuchar

In regards to abortion. Many of you know this is a huge topic for me when it comes to election day. Amy Klobuchar is a supporter of embryonic stem cell research.

We need to start talking about common ground, and about reducing the number of abortions -- making them safe and making them rare. That decision should be made between a woman and her doctor.
- Amy Klobuchar

Abortion... safe? Well in that case... please. An abortion is the intentional stop of a beating heart. It kills one, and injures the other, no matter how "safe" it is.

Amy Klobuchar is a strong supporter of the No Child Left Behind campaign. Now one might ask, "Jennie, what could you possibly have against that?" Well dear ones, you would be surprised at how much I really do have against this issue. If you would like to know, you are welcome to call me and I will express to you the problems I really do have with it.

Amy Klobuchar is also a supporter of the Patriot Act. Again... no me gusta.

I'm not going to continue this. I think I have outlined a few of the reason why Amy Klobuchar and I are not good friends. I realize that in a time where politics has gotten extremely dirty... I have not helped in the least bit but also realize that I am aware of the people and issues I stand up against. I do not what this blog to become a battle ground for opposing political stances so from now on, I will stear away from such posts. Cheers!

Success!!!

2006-11-14T15:00:00.000-06:00

So I was contemplating the classes I had to take to cover all my majors/minors and needless to say I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. And then, it hit me like a baseball. I don't even like Economics. I mean, I think it's fine and everything but why in the world would I minor in something when I'm not even that passionate about it? I wouldn't!

I love English, this is what I have wanted to major/minor in for so long I don't even know when it started. I was second guessing English under Economics? No more my friends, no more! Finally my grammar correcting will come into good use!

I have declared! I am a Philosophy major and an English, Spanish and Catholic Studies minor and gosh darn it am I happy about it!

Fin

Blast it All!

2006-11-09T21:32:00.000-06:00

WTF America... WTF.

**COMMENT REMOVED DUE TO ITS APPARENTLY OFFENSIVE NATURE... PUPPY GETS KICKED TWICE**

Amy Klobuchar makes me want to kick puppies.

"Thanks Amy Klobuchar. Because of you... I've been kicked." - Puppy

Seriously... what kind of woman does this?

Goodbye My Lover

2006-11-05T19:19:00.000-06:00

My new favorite song! It's by James Blunt... check it out!

Music Video:GOODBYE MY LOVER (by James Blunt)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one,
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one,
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Enough Said.

2006-11-01T13:09:00.000-06:00

Holla Back Ya'll

2006-10-30T09:15:00.000-06:00

What a fantastic weekend... I don't even know where to begin.

Friday: In the morning I made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon with Callie and she, Tim, Joe and I at the scrumptious meal. It was delicious. Then around 3:30pm I headed over to Adam Natrop's house. I got stuck in traffic, poo on motorized vehicles, but arrived in a pretty timely manner around 4:30pm. Then he, Amy and I proceeded to make dinner for what was supposed to be 10 people and then became about 16 people. Ay. We made a really delicious breaded chicken, when Lee and Mary arrived, Mary made salad from some stuff Adam found in his kitchen, and then Justin and Lee took on the gruelling task of making punch. Way to go boys. Amy chopped bread, Adam burned vegetables so we just said it had special sauce on it which made it look brown, and all of us (along with Nate, Adam's grandma, mom, dad, sister, sister's husband, cousin, cousin's friend, friend's daughter and little baby) ate the fantastic food. Then for desert was the fudge, double-layered cake with ice cream and raspberries that Amy, Adam and I had picked up on a Dick's Foods adventure that included buses, laughing British children, caffeine and disappointment in the selection at Dick's. After all food was devoured and dishes were done Adam, Nate, Lee, Mary, Amy, Justin and I carved pumpkins. I carved "Goober" and another big pumpkin that ended up being a "scary scene." Lee brought power tools to carve his pumpkin but it didn't really work out. In fact it broke his blade, spit pumpkin juice at him, and smelled really bad. That was our evening, I left around 11:30pm to make the drive back home.

Saturday: JOHNNY/ TOMMIE GAME! Yay for rivalries! So I was all pumped up for the game. Callie and I left around12:15pm for the game so we would get there early. We arrived and I found Nicole Roeser and we sat with her and her dad. Later we were joined by Joe, and Tim and then Katie Lahti, Betsy and Coco. The game started at 1:00. St. Thomas kicked off, St. John's caught it down on the other end, and ran. They ran from one goal line to the other to score the first touchdown of the game in the first 5 seconds. This is the point when I throw my hands up and say, "Good game, St. Thomas, good game." We did actually end up scoring one touchdown and picking up few fumbles but other than that. It was a pretty one sided game. I moved from where I had been hanging to join Molly, Tom, Steve, and Reid down closer to the field. The game ended about 2 hours later with a final score of 7-27 with another win for St. John's. Tom, Steve, Reid, Joe, Molly, and I ended with a huddle. We put in our hands together and as we broke away, we yelled, "Next year!" Ahh, victory will be sweet if it's at their home stadium. Key word: if. I bought chocolate chip cookies after the game and the humiliation of the game faded away. Then Callie, Tim, Joe and I went grocery shopping for cake, stopped at Cleaveland Wok for Chinese Food, picked up "Thank you For Smoking," and went home. I got to carve pumpkins again! Then we ate the cake, which was very interesting. It wasn't so bad when you first put it in your mouth, but then the aftertaste hit you and you wanted to cry. Good thing there was ice cream! I suggest store bought frosting to anyone who will listen! Store bought frosting. The night ended with the movie and after that I went to bed feeling quite content.

Sunday: Work. Boring. But the rest of the weekend made up for the lack of excitement.

So there it is, for your reading pleasure. Cheers to all.

God bless
Jen

Sometimes a Girl Just Has to Pull Her Hair Out!

2006-10-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

AUGH! I GIVE UP!

...

2006-10-18T16:56:00.000-05:00

Hehe... I'm sorry... I couldn't help it ;)

Time Passes

2006-10-12T13:24:00.000-05:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on him; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats; who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "..that's her."

I love you all! Thank you for making my life rich with laughs, tears and adventure. Happy Thursday!

God bless,
Jen

"And I'm Feeling Good"

2006-10-10T08:46:00.000-05:00

Ridiculous. So far my posts have been pretty depressing and that's not the image I want to portray because I'm actually having a great time at school this year. The drastic change between this year and last is quite astounding to me, but no complaints on my end ;) .

First, I L O V E salsa. It's amazing. I have so much fun going to the classes and the movement in the dance is so cool. There are like 1.5 girls to everyone guy but it all works out because we rotate out and back in again and everyone gets their share of dancing. Some guys are better than others but who care because I'm having fun no matter who I'm dancing with. It is a lot more fun with a guy who is a bit more confident about what he's doing than those who are shy. A lot of salsa is the colaberation between the two partners and when the lead (the guy) isn't leading... well it doesn't work out nearly as smoothly as it's supposed to. Oh well, I've met a lot of really nice people and the instructors are a ton of fun. The guy laughs all the time because he's constantly misplacing things and blames his education (St. John's) because he knows it'll get a reaction out of a lot of us. It's funny. The lady is fantastic and she's so sweet. Both of them are very talented. I love it!

Last Friday I hung out with Adam, Nate, Justin, and Amy and we watched LOST. Unless you want to get addicted, no one should ever start watching that serious. The writers of that show are brilliant. It's disgusting how drawn into it one get. It's like invisible hands reach out from the TV, grab your eyes and hold your face like that, all you can do is stare into the screen and witness the calamities that occur to the residence of the island. Fantastic!
On Saturday I went over to Adams house for a bonfire and added to Sarah, Raechel, Mike, Mark, Jenn, Kara, Lee, and Melanie to the above list. What a crew. We roasted marshmallows and at hot dogs and Kara, Amy and Sarah broke the hammock. And by broke I mean it snapped mid-swing and the three girls went flying, hammock and all. I know you're supposed to be concerned when someone gets hurt, but sometimes in the comical nature of the event that occupies your mind for the first couple of seconds. Thankfully, they were all alright and everyone around got a bit of entertainment. The hammock got set right back up again so no harm done, praise be. Amy and I got to talk about some really interesting things that night and it was nice to get a lot of stuff off my chest. It was also nice to hear that someone else is going through a lot of the same things I am and I always appreciate that.

This Wednesday, oh my goodness that's tomorrow, I'm heading up to St. John's to see one of my favorite friends in the St. Cloud area, Brandon, perform in Dames at Sea. It's a musical! That should be fun. I won't be up there for very long so I probably won't see everyone I want to but it's good for me, builds character.

This weekend I head up to Chicago for a funeral. Marlise, curses be upon your butt that is in Australia, I could have visited you. Bloody hell. I'm doing a ton of driving. Time to break out the butt pillow. Yes!

BIG NEWS: Well not so much big, but just a bit intriguing. You know the butterflies? The kind that stir up in your stomach when you see someone wonderful? The kind that always surface whenever you think about that person and sometimes it's really annoying but at the moment, since I haven't felt that for a long time, it's exciting? The kind that make you want to call that person up just to chat because you know talking to them is the only way to get rid of them? I've got "the butterflies". I'm kind of weirded out because I wasn't planning on them. Normally when I get "the butterflies" I expect it, but not this time. Took me a bit by surprise. I know I said I wasn't going to date for a year, and I still hold my ground in that area of my life, but I can't help it everytime my stomach begins to dance inside. Hehe... makes me giggle.

Hopefully all is well with you guys!

Cheers
God bless,

Jen

PS Kara, what's that book called again? I forgot already.

Son of a B!

2006-10-05T12:38:00.000-05:00

You know, it amazes me the incapacity of some people when it comes to the understanding of the word "respect". Drives me right through the roof. I'm not so much mad, just really annoyed. I think that's a good way to describe it, I'm really annoyed. I figured after 20 years one might see the pattern when it comes to "respect" and those who use it correctly. However, that lesson seems to still evade some people and all I can do now is roll my eyes. That's it.

May God grant us all patience and understanding. Amen.

Sooner Or Later
Michael Tolcher

Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird

Save your questions without answers
'Til your old enough to know that things ain't as they appeared

Before you go out in the sun
Cover your skin and don't get burned
Beware the cancer, it might kill you when you're old

Be first in line, raise your hand
Remember everything you hear
And playing in the rain is worth catching cold

Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way

We only want what's best for you
That's why we tell you what to do
And nevermind if nothing makes sense

'Cause it all works out in the end
You're just like us without a friend
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)

Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way
Yeah now you learn the hard way

Somethings you have to learn them all on your own
You can't rely on anybody else
Or the point of view of a source unknown
If it feels good and sounds nice
Then it's your choice don't doubt yourself
Don't even think twice

Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)

Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down (Down)
Don't let anything bring you down

Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way

Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything (Someday you might listen)
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening (Someday you might listen)
And someday you might listen to what people have to say (Someday you might listen)
Now you learn the hard way
Yeah now you learn the hard way

It's a good song!

Cheers
God bless,

Jen

Prayers Again

2006-10-01T23:57:00.000-05:00

I would ask for prayers for my family. We have lost one. Thank you.

Chasing Cars

2006-09-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

Hello

What a rush. The power of words is amazing. No matter how the rhyme goes, words can hurt a lot more than any stick or stone. I would like to extend an apology to anyone that might have been offended or just seriously confused by my last post. I'm a woman, and I rant and that's what comes out. Oops.

I don't have a lot of time so I'm just going to post these song lyrics. I love this song, it's really beautiful and if you ever get the chance to listen to it I strongly suggest you do. Cheeriop!

God bless
Jen

Chasing Cars
Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lie here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
B efore we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

God Bless the Broken Road

2006-09-18T23:39:00.000-05:00

I wish I could write about all the joyful, wonderful things that have been happening to me lately. I've had an absolutely wonderful start to school. My friends are fantastic here. I love them all very dearly. My classes are wonderful and the activities I'm participating in are so much fun! Yet, the curtain always falls.

I know that I'm probably being taught something but I'm so angry. I hate liars. Not only do I hate liars, I extremely dislike "in-your-face" liars. The kind that smile and hide behind a cloak of charity or faithfulness, the kind that bow in church reverently but are really thinking about the fantastic sex they just had with some unknown chick earlier that morning. The girl that crosses herself before every meal but everytime a friend turns their back she's spouting horrible nasty things about them just to get a rise out of other people.

I don't have much room to talk, I've been an extremely bold face liar, but I'm learning, and I'm accepting my mistakes. I realize I still make them, but I'm working hard to remedy.

If you have to lie about it, it's WRONG! If you feel like it's wrong, it probably is. If a little voice is in your head saying, "This needs to stop" it probably does. The lies that are told only hurt people, family, friends, and everyone else who is close to you. "It's over. I've been shown a new light." It doesn't work. There is a difference between honest change and a load of BS to make your sin easier. I hate this. I hate not being able to talk about it face to face.

How do I say goodbye? I've wanted to so badly but what if I'm supposed to be a part of the greater plan. I want to scream the truth on a stage with a microphone, point my finger and say, "This is what's really going on." Already I watch the downward slip of a friend. Back into the funnel of habit and weakness. What are you supposed to do? I hate lying. Sometimes I feel like crying with pure frustration. I should have said goodbye as soon as I saw him again. It should have ended that day. He's my weakness.

I'm sorry about this pointless rant, but it's been in the back of my mind for a long time. What if you held a secret in your brain? You locked it with a key and threw the evidence away. What if someone came along offering a crowbar? What if your better judgment started taking over your initial promise to "never tell"? Who do you run to? If you knew you couldn't help, didn't want to help anymore, but knew someone who could help... would you save your friend from a destructive end? Or do I assume that he will never change and simply move on? I have the capacity to do so but I'm not sure it's what I'm being called to do. Maybe I'll pass the cup onto someone else. I've lost a best friend. I willingly let that bond be broken. Certain threads have to be cut for the greater good, right? That's what I believe.

The end justifies the means... right Machiavelli?

Would you try to save a friend destined for hell? Who makes that call? I'm so tired.

50/50

2006-09-13T23:35:00.000-05:00

Well I am now officially mature. I have taken the leap from my teens to my young adult life. I am now 20 years old. There is no more excuse for silly things... but does anyone really need an excuse to do stupid things? Sometimes I'm amazed that we grow to be 80 to 90 years old. Think of all the stupid things we do that should have ended in catastrophe but ended up just bruising us a little.

My birthday was fantastic, Mike, Ryan, Chris and Ben abducted me around 6 o'clock and surprised me with a trip to Old Chicago. Oh memories. Ryan and I split a delicious Doubledeckaroni pizza. It was amazing. My mouth was doing a happy dance. I also got a free dessert with my meal. The dinner itself was also free because they insisted that they paid for my meal. I love birthdays! I also got some wonderful gifts including a "cloud blanket." It's so comfortable and soft that I wish I could bring it around with me everywhere but it's too big. It can fit atleast four people underneath it. Yeah for cool evenings out on the porch wrapped in wonderful blankets! I've been so blessed this year when it comes to friends that I often raise my eyes to Him and thank Him for all that He has given me. I've been surprised many times by the kindness of others and it amazes me how He shows His love through others. Thanks guys.

On a lower note, I would ask to please remember the struggling in your prayers. I wish I could give specifics but I can't so I will simply use a group title. A friend of mine I feel is falling away from his Creator and he is struggling to come home. On bended knee I ask that you pray for God to give him strength to fight temptation and conquer his demons. Thank you. Have a wonderful closing of the week!

Shall We Dance?

2006-09-11T12:23:00.000-05:00

So Nate and I went up to St. John's to visit Jake on Saturday. We headed up there around 2:00 pm because I was a bit of a slow poke when it came to getting ready to go after work. I got to see Brandon, Leslie and Marie and they are absolutely wonderful. Big hugs were had be all. They had just finished watching a St. John's football game (they won of course) and were at Sexton eating. After hearing all about the fantastic things they did we headed up to Jake and Brandon's dorm room. It was so much nicer than last year's rooms. They have a pretty nice set-up and my favorite addition... a women's bathroom right across the hall! Woo hoo! That would have been so nice last year. In the old dorm they had this one creepy bathroom all the way down in the basement... not convenient at all. I found that funny, now that I'm not going to be up there all the time they have a women's bathroom. God laughs at me in so many ways.

Anyway! So after sufficiently laughing our butts off at St. John's we went for dinner (sorry guys, St. Thomas has way better meals than you) and then decided to head off to St. Ben's. We got there and as we were passing the new addition to their theater, Brandon showed me the dance studio. I'm not sure if that's what it really is but it had a wall of mirrors and a dance bar. Of course, I had to see it. I'm not sure when the last time I was actually in a dance studio was... even a mock one... so I had to go. We got in there and it was like heaven on earth. I went straight to the bar. It was such a weird feeling to hold it in my hands. I tried to do some basic bar stuff but the flexibility I used to have has significantly decreased over the years. Brandon then attempted to teach me his musical choreography but I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing so that ended pretty quickly. I can now slide a broom though. Ta Da! Leslie and him had a better go at it.

I kind of stopped watching and started doing some dance moves I haven't done in years. It was such a wonderful feeling, the turns, the leaps, even just the basic dance steps. My body just sort of went with and the freedom it offers washed over me. Brandon turned on some Latin music and it was all over after that. Of course Jake and I immediately started making up our own dance. He's pretty good at it... all things considered ;). It was nice to just be in that rhythm again. I didn't realize how much I really missed it. I wanted my pointe shoes back. The leotard, the tights, the hair in a bun, the teacher screaming "higher!", the fogged mirrors because of how hard we're working. I wanted to put my music on, the lights would dim and then suddenly... spotlight! Every move had to be finished, no slacking. My arms ache, my legs are screaming at me but I keep going because it's what I love to do. I move in perfect harmony with the person dancing with me. I love dance. It's such a beautiful sport. It's the one that no believes hurts because we smile through the whole thing. I'm sorry I let it go.

We went to the 24 hour play after that, and they were fantastic but I just wanted to go back. I wasn't ready for it to be over yet. It's sad to think I probably won't have anymore outings like that again. Maybe when I'm rich and famous I'll build a dance studio in my basement. That would be nice.

Thank you guys for such a wonderful Saturday.
God bless!

Jen

Curses

2006-09-05T11:58:00.000-05:00

So, this is for those who will appreciate it.

You know that pole in between the double doors on campus? Well Mike and I were leaving Dowling after making friends with two freshman with sweet light fictures. I wasn't paying attention as he and I were opening the doors and ran smack into that center pole. What made it even better was I had my glasses on so they twisted on my face and I was left thoroughly embarrassed. Oh the events that make our world a brighter place.

Fiesta!

2006-08-30T12:52:00.000-05:00

Ello luvies!

Wow. That's all I have to say about that.

I just moved into my house last weekend and it is the weirdest feeling of freedom I have ever dealt with. However, sometimes I find myself waking up in the morning going, "Mommy, I want scrambbled eggs." I, of course, realize then that my mom is no where to be found and I am the one who must get up and start scambbling the eggs. Dumb.

But in all honesty I love the freedom I have now. The house is really beautiful. I eat breakfast out on the balcony every morning and it's such a wonderful start to the day. I found out that the E below middle C doesn't work on the piano but that only hinders playing a tad bit. There are ways of covering that up.

Last night Nate, Justin, Adam, Amy and Kara came up to St. Paul to see me. What a hoot. We went down to the river and hung out at the lookout. While the rest of us talked, Nate and Justin climbed down to the shore line and proceeded to "venture". It was fun to hear the scream and moan everytime a foot hold would slip unexpectedly. Hooray for boys!

On the way back we attempted to play chicken (I, on Nate's shoulders, and Amy, on Adam's shoulders) although the Amy and I were less enthusiastic about the whole thing than Adam and Nate were who kept running at eachother as we begged for the ceasing of the running and the smashing. We also went on the football field and did all manner of crazy things. We found out Justin looks like a cartoon character when he races Nate from end zone to end zone, you can't run straight after spinning around ten times, Kara just learned to read... yay Kara? and Nate looks like a huge baby when Justin tries to pick him up. What an educational night huh?

They left around 11 o'clock because Amy was being a bad friend and left Laura at home to fend for herself. Bad Amy. I just hung out with the girls in my house and then went to bed.

As far as school goes, I just bought my books. I think I want to cry. I had to buy all my Political Science books "new" because they didn't have any used ones. Son of a B. So that was a killer. My Spanish and Geology books weren't nearly as bad as I thought they were going to be. And History... well history is history and I love it!

I'm really excited about my political science class. From what I've heard my knowledge already extensive background philosophy and U.S. History will help me out greatly. Who knew that Sophocles, and Aristotle would be so well rounded? Not me. I think I have to skim Hobbes and Locke again because all I remember is Hobbes is a firm believer that life is "nasty, brutish and short" and Locke... isn't. Yea, it may be time to crack those babies open. Yea the Republic yea!

Well I must be off, I just recieved an extremely intriguing e-mail. Cheers!

God bless
Jen

Greetings from the College Girl

2006-08-20T12:40:00.000-05:00

Bonjourno!

It's been a long time. School is coming up, it's right around the corner, so here I am!

What an amazing summer this past one has been. I have been fortunate enough to add a plethora of people onto my "friends" list and I couldn't ask for more qualified people. That sounds really weird and a bit pompous but it's true. God shows His love to us in many ways and this summer I was able to see it shining through in the people I met.

One "group" of friends I met unexpectedly was, honestly, a group of people I didn't think I would ever get along with. It just goes to show how simply opening your mind makes everything a lot easier. I actually met most of these people through Jake (the infamous ex ;) ) awhile ago, but never really made any effort to get to know them because they were "his" friends. Not because of any fault of his, just because that's the boundary I placed mentally. This summer, because Nate ("boy") and I were always hanging out, the boundary was forced down and I'm so glad it was! Now that I have gotten to know them, it's been extremely rewarding. They have made my summer complete with Valley Fair, "love & laughter", line dancing, stack-o-spoon, midnight swimming, boating, movie nights, Tom Cruise, the Zipper, giant chickens and lots of giggles. I'm so thankful that I was given a second chance and now I am so blessed with lots of amazing fellowship. God is good, amen?

PS Amy, this was an awesome shot. Yea timers on cameras and smart people who know how to operate them!

And who could forget my Thommies? What a blast! Who ever thought floating down a river in a tube raft could be thrilling? Well it can evidently. I will never forget bringing my rug (white fluffy one) outside and laying it on the grass because Mike and I wanted to be outside but didn't want to have to get off of its amazing fluffiness. So we moved it. Problem solved. Arby's in your backyard?! Can we say "paradiso"? Heck yes we can! Especially with coupons! I will continue on the tradition of having long heart-to-heart conversations with the drive-thru people and, if they are lucky, I'll tip them. Mike, I really hope your dream comes true and the dragonflies find your leg to be the perfect place for their nuptials... yea. Some of us went and stayed at Ryan's apartment at the MAYO clinic. I found out it's not necessarily true that men + technology always = happy ending. Oh no, sometimes it = angry words and crying. Well... maybe not crying but definitely squirming on the floor for a considerable amount of time. What doinks.

All in all I would have to say my summer has been an excellent one for growth and soul searching. Without getting too sappy and emo so Mitch gets annoyed I would like to explain myself a little bit. At the beginning of summer my entire outlook on life was thrown into a drastic spin. One of my dearest friends was going down a path I was unwilling to follow. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much you may want to help, sometimes it's best just to wave goodbye. We were choosing two completely different life styles, and sometimes helping will only lead to your fall as well. This summer was a season of reflection on how I was going to go about solving my moral dilemma. Eventually I got so frustrated that one night I threw my Bible across my bedroom and yelled, "What do you want from me?!". It was, to say the least, one of my lowest moments, but it soon became one of the most crucial in my journey. I realized that it wasn't about me. It wasn't about me at all. It was about everything He had planned for the person I'm meant to become (a hint by said person above). It was His will I should have been focused on, not my own personal sorrow. My healing was a pretty quick one after I came to terms with that. I began to contemplate what He was trying to teach me through everything. Was He trying to make me stronger? Was He trying to teach me compassion? He was challenging me to step up to the plate, which is something I've been conveniently avoiding for the majority of my life. But I finally grabbed my bat and headed out to the field. I'm not all the way there yet, I'm sort of nudging forward and I think I'm only in the "t-ball" stage but eventually I hope to be in the pro leagues ( yea bad sports analogies yea!). I'm still struggling with everything, I'm not going to pretend like I have it all figured out but my outlook is much brighter. I'll probably post updates on that topic frequently.

Aside from that, I'm moving into my new house soon! I demand people visit me because it's fricken sweet! I get my own room and everything which is always a plus. No more cramped dorm rooms for me. What's really awesome is it came fully furnished with things like tables, chairs, *cough* piano *cough*, couches and bedroom sets which makes me smile. My roomies are wonderful girls and I can't wait for us to be there at once. I'm sure I'll be eating my words later on in the year but for right now I'm super psyched! My classes are going to rock the heezy-fo-sheezy and my jobs are going to make it all relatively affordable. I don't think anything can make college perfectly affordable (unless you win the lottery which is on my list of things to do right next to traveling to the moon and finding an extinct rare species of platypus) but it helps out definitely. Bravo for me! I've changed my majors/ minors again. Thanks to Ben Nebo I've been seriously considering a minor in economics and I think it's won me over. We'll see.

Well I'm signing off for now. I hope everyone had a great summer. I'm really looking forward to school starting and for all those from St. Thomas that read this, I can't wait to see all of you again! For everyone else, thanks for being there this summer. You'll never know how much you contributed to my sanity. Cheers!

God bless
Jen

Fin

2006-05-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

I can hardly believe that I've reached this point. This week is finals and then I'm done with my first year at college. I can't believe how old I am getting. I can't believe how much God has forced me to change this year. In so many ways I've been challenge, both mentally and emotionally, in so many ways I've learned about myself, and in so many ways I've realized that Socrates was right. The wisest person is the person who knows that they do not know.

There are certain aspects of the end I'm looking forward to, but I'm also saddened greatly by other changes. It's hard to believe that my best friends will no longer be within a 2 second walk of my room. I'm not quite used to good food everyday, I almost miss the crap the give us at school. I'm going to miss the freedom and I'm going to miss everyone I met.

This year has changed all of us. I'm someone different, and my friends from back home are different as well. This year has been a year of growth unlike any of the years we've experienced. Issues we thought were black and white have now faded into a hazy gray. I, Jennifer Marie, have even on occasion... been rendered silent. The majesty of His works has instilled in me a sense of fear and reverence unlike I have ever felt before. I will never understand His ways but I am forever, bound as his servant.

I would like to touch on a few things...

One being the future. As I have learned this year it is as uncertain as a woman's emotions when she's having her period. Bad analogy, true statement. When I went to college this year I had my entire future planned for me. I was engaged to be engaged... it was planned all the way down to the year we were going to get married, I was planning on being a teacher, and then I wanted to raise the family that I'm so excited to have. Now, however, I have no idea what is going to happen, and quite honestly, I like that better. I don't know who or when I'm going to marry, and I'm okay with that. The thrill of finding someone who really truly loves me for everything that I am and everything I have to give excites me. I don't want to be a teacher for my entire life, I want to be a lawyer. I've unofficially declared my majors and minors and I've informed the people who it concerns that I'm pre-law. My family? I would love to have a family of my own... but the "when" part has changed significantly. It's more of a "some-day". I was told that law school for me was going to be a waste of my money because I was just going to get married and pregnant anyway. It was said in jest but I realized that before, that's what my life really was going to consist of. Now, a world of possibilities has been laid before me and I love the choices.

Two, I would caution those who believe they have it all figured out. It's been said many times by poets, writers and the like that life is a road. It is not a straight road, it's constantly winding, narrowing and changing. Two Sunday's ago, I believe it was a Sunday, I was given a vision that has drastically altered the way I thought of my life. I've posted before that I was a dreamer, I still am and they've gotten more real lately. So real that it has scared me to tears. But what scared me the most was how quickly reality can become fantasy and what is real is something you never thought could be true. And honestly, I'm okay with that as well. My morals and beliefs have not changed, however, the way I approach them have to be different now. I think that is something that needed to be realized by all. I fervently believe that we will never figure out what God has truly made us capable of, but He shows us in the trials that we face everyday. Yours will never be the worst, there is always someone suffering more than you are and those who are should not be seen as scum, but recognized for the conquerors they have the potential for being. We are all held to the same standard, but some have a harder time getting to that standard than others. I may be speaking in riddles but I can't explain it any other way.

Third, as I always do, I would encourage everyone to enjoy the life they have been given. It's true that we are not all equal in wealth, or beauty or intelligence, but we are equal in the sense that we are His beloved. We are brothers and sisters and the life we have been given was a gift from Supreme Goodness. He made no mistake when he put you on earth, so live it to the fullest.

Aside from that, I can't really say anything else because I have studying to do. But please, think about all these things, and always keep each other in your prayers. You never know what your neighbor, your family member, or your dearest friend is struggling with.

God bless everyone!
And have a fabulous summer

Jen

Truths About My Father

2006-05-02T20:44:00.000-05:00

So... in English today we were given a writing exercise. We had to write "Truths" or "Lies" about someone, in the same style as a poem that was done by the guest speaker who came in. I did it, of course with some reluctance, but what came out was kind of intriguing. So here it is...

My Father was...
Flannel Shirts
A hockey puck
a piano, perfectly tuned
a tree
a bird's song
faded blue jeans
Soap, lightly scented
a football
a battlefield
the Diamond in the game
a leather coat
a fishing rod
the seat belt buckled
a commander, sometimes resented
My light

My Father is...
The wind, always urging forward
The rain, crashing with thunder
The sun, kissing my cheeks
The moon, beaming to guide in the dark
My hero

Try it! Pick someone, anyone who is close to you and write "Lies" or "Truths" about them. It's actually kind of interesting. Give yourself five minutes. Enjoy!

God bless

Jen

Week Review

2006-04-30T01:07:00.000-05:00

Greetings. It's late... or early I guess so you'll have to pardon the horrible spelling, and/or poor sentence structures that may occur in this post. So much has been going on lately I don't know where to begin. I'll start at the beginning... Monday was a drag, all I did was homework, sleep, eat and monkey around. I do however have my bicycle down here now so Kelsey and I go riding everyday and it's absolutely wonderful! The river walk is so beautiful!

Tuesday, Marissa and Hannah invited me to go to the evening prayer service at Common Ground and I think I will have to make that a regular event because I loved it! I've been so stressed out lately with absolutely everything. Guilt, shame and fear have been a constant lately and I really needed a breather... and I found it! It met some really great people and I can't wait to go again!

Thursday I went with Callie and Molly to the U to see their friend Eleni (pronounced A-lenny). We had some drinks (coffee except me, I hate coffee, I had a mango fruitasia) and talked about... well just life in general. We were there until around 11:00 and then headed back to St. Thomas. There, Molly and I went and picked up Rochelle and headed to the SPO (St. Paul Outreach) boy's house to see some friends. We met up with Mike, Mark and Alec. We all had the brilliant idea to go down by the rocks and just hang out. Mike, Mark, Rochelle, Molly and myself squeezed into Molly's car while Alec said he would meet us there later.

The five in the car grabbed some blankets and set them up on the "Lookout". Alec joined us later and we basically all layed on top of each other and discussed God, evolution and philosophy and Mike proceeded to go through five cigarettes until about 1:30am.

At that time we were joined by a couple of drunk people. Oh man, they were gone, one of them ran down the slope and started hollaring at us like a monkey... I was quite impressed that he actually got down because it is quite a steep hill. Our first plan was to ignore them, but after one shouted out, "Lookat all the immigrants on the rock!" Rochelle and I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Bad decision, that egged them on. They didn't stop until about 3:00, at that time we had all had enough and got up to leave. Well, seeing there were six of us, which outnumbered their four, they quickly ran away.

We all called it a night, dropped the boys off, then Rochelle, and then Molly and I went back to the apratment and fell asleep. I've been sleeping over there a lot because Jenna and I aren't getting along as well as we used to. I think it's probably just the stress and a lot of things that go along with living in close quarters with someone. We'll see what happens.

It was so relaxing to be with my friends. It really just helped to melt all my stress away and I really loved just spending time with people. I've lost some really close friends recently and it's been wonderful to build some new ones. God willing, these ones will stick.

**I also figured I would clear something up because I've been getting a lot of questions and I'm sure there are some who want to know, who are just too chicken to ask**

I met Paul through a friend and he ended up inviting me out to dinner. After going out I decided that it was much too soon to be dating again and quickly put and end to that. The post about him was ment to be funny... not sad. I have a lot that I need to figure out before I start dating again. Plus... he was a bio-chem major and I'm a philosophy-poli sci major. I know that they say opposites attract but seriously... bio-chem? Nooo thank you.

Aside from that this week has been fantastic in its own little way. I'm really stressed out and really struggling with my faith right now and thoughts about my future so it was nice to meet some new people. I hope to see them real soon.

Sorry about such a pointless post, I don't really have a whole lot to say right now... I'm tired. Good luck to everyone who's starting finals! Stay sane!

God bless

Jen

Phew!

2006-04-27T10:50:00.000-05:00

Oh man! Is anyone else feeling the strain of the end of the year because oh man... I feel it.

However... in the midst of all of this chaos and stress I registered for classes and BAM! I got all the ones I wanted. Ready for the schedule low down?

On Monday, Wednesday and Friday
8:15AM-9:20AM History 114: The Modern US in a Global Perspective
10:55AM-12:00PM Political Science 105: Politics/Government, a Comparitive Perspective
1:35PM-2:40PM Geology 111: Introductory Physical Geology

On Tuesday and Thursday
1:30PM-3:10PM Spanish 212: Intermediate Spanish II

On Thursday
4:00PM-6:00PM Geology Lab

In case some of you are wondering why so many of my classes are basic courses... it's because I have a core corriculum that I'm trying to fulfill and it's keeping me from the more advanced classes. Eventually I will be doing extensive Latin, Philosophy, Literature, History, Theater and Political Science courses but first I have to get all this other crap out of the way. Curses on the crap. I just thought I would let you know because I was really excited about getting into everything I wanted. I hope all is well and ciao!

God bless

Jen

Disappointed

2006-04-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

A party. Innocent perhaps?

What happens when it goes too far...

Drinking? Maybe.

An attempt for more than just physical contact.

Surreal, a dream even.

He lied.

She lied.

Suddenly it's all out in the open again.

Oh Liberty!

2006-04-18T10:25:00.000-05:00

haha... I'm sorry, I just had to post this. It's a poem that I was privileged *cough* (oh excuse me) to hear read the other day in literature.

Topography
by Sharon Olds

After we flew across the country we
got in bed, laid out bodies
delicately together, like maps laid
face to face, East to West, my
San Francisco against your New York, your
Fire Island against my Sonoma, my
New Orleans deep in your Texas, your Idaho
bright on my Great Lakes, my Kansas
burning against your Kansas your Kansas
burning against my Kansas, your Eastern
Standard Time pressing into my
Pacific Time, my Mountain time
beating against your Central Time, your
sun rising swiftly from the right my
sun rising swiftly from the left your
moon rising slowly from the left my
moon rising slowly from the right until
all four bodies of the sky
burn above us, sealing us together,
all our cities twin cities,
all our states united, on
nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

all I have to say is... poor Kansas